Saturday, 2 May 2009

Three down...three to go

.....weeks that is. Six weeks is a long time. I wasn't really sure I could cope with being here for so long. Although I really love catching up with my family, after a few days I am desperate to be home again.

I used to stay with my Aunty Gwen on my visits, but sadly she died just before Christmas..a week before I was due to arrive. I felt very comfortable staying with her. She was more like a mother to me than my mother ever was, and her home was my home. I miss her dreadfully.

Now I stay with my youngest brother and his family. They are lovely and are very welcoming but it's a hectic household and I feel like I'm a nuisance. I'm reassured by them that I'm not but it makes little difference to how I feel.

I have tried staying with my daughter in the past but we bring the worst out in each other when we are under the same roof (I'm sure this is a common mother/daughter thing) so we decided that it would be better for us to stick to spending quality time together whilst I stayed elsewhere. And it works perfectly.

I always like to be in control and being away from home for so long leaves me feeling anxious because I have no control over what's happening there. Mr Ayak is continuing with his latest adventure. He hasn't actually made any money yet...apart from enough to keep the car filled with petrol and his stomach filled with food. So I don't know if this is going to be successful as a long term project, but for the moment if nothing else, it's keeping Mr Ayak occupied.

Our next rent payment is due on the 20th and Mr Ayak wants to avoid this by moving all our belongings to the new house before then. Part of me thinks this is an excellent idea because for once I won't have to do all the packing and unpacking as I won't be back until the 25th. However the other part of me (the control-freak part) is panicking because I won't be there to make sure the move goes smoothly.

I could try to get an earlier flight back but I am so enjoying spending time with my new grandson that I am for once not so keen to leave. It's quite a dilemma.

So I want to learn how to stop trying to be in control of everything. I want to rid myself of the extreme anxiety I feel when I'm not in control. Any ideas how I can achieve this?


  1. I have absolutely no tips to give you because Ayak, you and I have something in common - I am a control freak as well. Or, as I prefer to put it, very good at organising things and finding other people's flappy ways a mite irritating.

    If it were me I would be heartily pleased at getting out of the packing up and unpacking of boxes though. Let Mr A manage it alone - you sit and play with Billy.

    (it's funny the mother/daughter relationship. Truly a love/hate one I think - or it was like this between my lovely mum and myself)

  2. Stay Ayak, you will only regret leaving Billy and your daughter, you will never get this chance again, you will see your grandson develop into the wonderful boy he will become.
    I don't control, nor like to be controlled, so laid back, I am at times horizontal, don't worry about things until they happen, and then deal with them, this is the thing, we are all different, each with our own idea's of how to live our life, as it should be, Ayak you are going through the " I feel I am a burden to everybody ", like a fish out of water, when clearly you are not, please don't go home early and wish you had stayed, these 3 weeks have passed very quickly, the next will be the same.
    Let Mr Ayak move all your belongings to your new house, after 14 times of moving and packing, let him deal with it, don't panic, what does it matter if it does not go as smoothly as you would plan it to be.
    Enjoy your grandson, enjoy the next 3 weeks, it will be months before you see him again.

  3. Thanks for your comments FF and Ann. And I agree FF...Ann is absolutely right.

    This is why this blog is so useful Ann. I find that once I express my feelings in writing itr actually helps me to see things more clearly and hopefully make the right decisions.

    It does of course also help to have encouragement and good advice from my thankyou!

  4. I understand why you write a blog Ayak, it helps you put everything into perspective.
    Thought about doing one myself, but realise I am a woman of few words, shy and retiring, anyway, I prefer reading other blogs, I enjoy

  5. Oh you have lot of interesting things to say Ann and I really think you should start a blog. I will be your first "follower". Go on...take the plunge!

  6. Congratulations on little baby Billy!!
    Are we going to get a piccy of the little fella?
    I´m so happy for you Ayak!

    Love your blog - I completely agree with what Ann said btw! STAY STAY STAY!!!


  7. Welcome to my blog Chris and thank you so much for your kind words xxx


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