Thursday, 7 January 2010

Disappointment

~ There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love. ~
(Martin Luther King Jr)

I've hardly seen Mr Ayak since July last year, when he went off to the other side of  Bodrum to work in a hotel.  The pay was not sufficient for him to commute, so he stayed in personnel accommodation and lived on personnel food.  Not a pleasant experience, as anyone who has seen "personnel" accommodation in Turkey would confirm.

He managed two short overnight trips home when his parents arrived in September...although they monopolised him each time, so there was no time for us.

He came back on 24th October, in time for me to set off to England on the 25th for two weeks, whilst he stayed and looked after the dogs.  I returned on 9th November, and he set off on the 10th to work in Istanbul, where he has been ever since.  Apart of course from his half-day return trip by air to take me to the hospital.

I have been trying to get used to the idea that I won't see him again until he returns in March.  Just over a week ago he was told that the job in Istanbul was finished...not enough customers.  So he has spent a week looking for work in Istanbul for the rest of the winter.  Naturally I'd like him to be here, but there is no work locally at this time.

Two days ago he phoned to say that in spite of his best efforts, he was unable to secure another job, so he would be returning home within the next day or so.   I'm supposed to be worried about the fact that he doesn't have work, but to be honest I was delighted at the prospect of him coming home. 

This morning he phoned to say that just as he was about to set off, he heard about the possibility of a job which he will be interviewed for this afternoon.   I wished him good luck...but I had my fingers crossed at the same time because I don't want him to get it.

I know that's bad of me...we need the money...but I need him here.

To say I'm disappointed is a huge understatement.

19 comments:

  1. It's the yo yo effect, too, isn't it?
    One minute he's coming home, you're delighted, and then he's got an interview and you're plunged into disappointment.
    Hope it works out for you, you see so little of each other.

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  2. Damned if you do and damned if you dont! Isn't it hard?

    I hope he comes home and you work it out.

    Have a happy ending for this story :D

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  3. I really feel for you - months apart must be very hard. How rotten of his parents to come and stay when they must have realised how little time you both have together - I must shut up, I get a bit too lippy sometimes.

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  4. Fly: I think it would have been better if he hadn't told me he would be home. Thanks for your good wishes.

    CJ: Thankyou. There will be a happy ending. I've been through this before many times...I just have to be patient.

    FF: It's OK FF..no need to shut up. I very much resented their presence too.

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  5. Sometimes things happen for a reason. Hope it works out whichever way it goes..

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  6. I do understand. It cannot be easy.
    March isn't that far away........... you are a strong lady.

    Nuts in May

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  7. Monalisa..yes you're right..things do happen for a reason. I really believe that.

    Maggie: A lovely compliment from someone who is far stronger than I could ever be...thankyou xxx

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  8. Waiting to find out how the interview went...

    (it seems so odd to hope that someone doesn't get the job but I really hope he doesn't)

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  9. FF: He will know tomorrow about the job. Actually I am now putting my needs to one side and really hope he gets the job, not only because we need the money, but it doesn't help his self-esteem to be rejected.

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  10. Yeah, that's a hard one. But you are so right about the worth of his self esteem.

    We all seem to wrap our id around what we do for a living.

    Perfect would be a good job close to home. It sure would be nice if some of those web jobs were actually real.

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  11. Hang in there, I can't imagine be away from my wife for that long. On a posative note, just remember that the good times will be all that much sweeter when you two are once again together and all of this is behind you. We are sending good thoughts in your direction.

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  12. @eloh: I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a job closer to home this summer xx

    Mr H: Thankyou so much xxx

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  13. Hello Ayak, sorry not been on your blog, been so busy as you know, anyway, this is a catch 22, you want him home, yet you need money, I know that too well, remembering the days, well years of having very little money, I never forgot those days.

    I don't know what to hope for my dear friend, apart from whatever is best for you both.
    X X X

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  14. Hi Ann...no need to apologise, I know you've been busy..but good to see you here now.
    Yes it is Catch 22 but what will be will be. I can accept whats happened better today than yesterday. Thankyou for your good wishes xxx

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  15. I see what you mean about his self esteem...from what I see from Turkish friends, it's really important for men to be the 'providers'.
    You're a sweetie, recognising his needs and pushing your own to one side.
    I do so hope for a job near home soon.

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  16. Fly...yes you're right..it is important. I have seen his self-esteem hit rock bottom when he was out of work for a year until July last year and it's heartbreaking to watch. I'm feeling optimistic that this summer will see him working closer to home...fingers crossed!

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  17. Please let us all know the outcome as soon as possible! I've got fingers crossed for you: one hand (which is the pragmatic, disciplined and matter-of-fact hand) has it fingers crossed that he gets the job, and the other hand (which is the loving, yearning and emotional hand) has IT'S fingers crossed that he doesn't! Good luck to you both, either way!

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  18. A bitter pill to swallow Ayak, good to get it off your chest though.

    Once again money spoils it for us all.

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  19. Hi Kitty. Well the outcome is that although he didn't get the job he was waiting to hear about yesterday, the boss from the original job has told Mr Ayak that business is now picking up and he'd like him to stay on. So he's still working for peanuts...but needs must! I'm putting on a brave face at the moment.

    Chris: Yes as usual I feel better for talking about it.Money is always the problem.

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