Sunday, 21 March 2010

Day 2 of "The Visit"

Where was I? Oh yes..setting off on the bus to Milas this morning.  Unfortunately I had forgotten that it's Sunday and the buses only run every two hours.  When  I reached the village bus stop I had just missed one.  I walked down to the land where FIL and Mr A were working, and where FIL had parked his car.  Also gathered there were the man who owns the land next to ours, along with his wife and children.  This is the man who erected the chicken wire in our garden, so I know him and his family quite well.  I stopped to chat with them and FIL wandered over and was charm itself to me...clearly for the benefit of the neighbours!

Mr A came over to me and I asked him if there was any chance that his father might let him use his car to take me into Milas. I'd given up on spending a couple of hours there, but I did need some shopping, and mostly heavy stuff like washing powder, and store-cupboard essentials.  Mr A suggested I ask him.  So I did.  He said it wasn't possible as he had no petrol, and he had no money until his salary reached his bank account tomorrow...followed by a somewhat  unnecessary remark "you can wait two hours for the bus surely".   So Mr A walked back to the house to get the motorbike and I waited.  

FIL then proceeded to  ask me why we hadn't been down to the land since his last visit to check on the trees etc.  Well the reason for this is that he never asked us to because he has been paying the neighbour to take care of the land and water it when necessary.  However, he seems to be blaming Mr A and I for the fact that the neighbour and various other villagers have been helping themselves to the fruit and nuts.  I just  made sympathetic noises but refused to be drawn into an argument, and assured him that Mr A and I would certainly be making regular checks on the land in future.

He then continued to talk about how hard up he is because he has to pay for the upkeep of the land, he has to support his youngest son who is still at Uni, also his elderly parents, and that he has just had to pay for his new car with his credit card  (Haha!  I had a little chuckle to it must be true that MIL emptied the bank account!)   So I just said, well we all have problems with money and life can be difficult at times.  At last Mr A arrived with the motorbike and we set off to Milas with me on the back.

Whilst we were shopping, Mr A told me that he had had strong words with FIL this morning.  Apparently FIL said Mr A has not TAUGHT me how to treat Turkish families!   Mr A said that his wife knows exactly how to treat people, Turkish or not, and that she does everything to make visitors very welcome, and that his behaviour towards me in September was very rude.

We returned from Milas with Mr A balancing several heavy carrier bags on the handle bars of the motorbike. He stopped for a coffee and sandwich then set off back to the land.  Half an  hour later he was back.  There was no sign of FIL...and no sign of his car.

Mr A did some more work in our garden for a couple of hours, then set off back to the land, where he found FIL, who had...wait for it...driven into Milas...hmmm...with no petrol and no money?

They returned around 7pm and I cooked some chicken fajitas.  FIL was sitting outside and Mr A went out to ask him to come in and eat with us.  No thankyou, said he,  I've already eaten.

I'm not angry or frustrated anymore...if anything I'm actually enjoying the fact that I have continued to be pleasant to FIL, and he is just showing his true colours...and Mr A now firmly believes that I have done nothing to provoke this behaviour.

So Mr A has at last seen the light, and is completely on my side, without my having to do anything to convince him.

Is it OK for me to be feeling a little smug, do you think?


  1. I thought the so and so would be eating out...
    Oh yes, be as smug as you've earned the right!

  2. That SOB..oops, I mean FIL, has food stashed in his car...

    his little trip into town was just for YOU. Don't you feel honored?

    And, further more... what does he expect to be happening to the fruit? To let it fall and spoil on the ground?

    AAAHHH... you are a saint.

  3. Dear Ayak.

    You handled it supremely. After all, manipulative and capricious as he is he can't help but hang himself on whatever rope you give him.

    Well done.

    (Given I've had to read through the history with FIL with indignation and hackles raised to human body design limits I will be sending him the bill for worn out hackles forthwith).

  4. Yep, I think of bit of smugness is well-deserved. As for being 'taught' how to treat Turkish families - oh yes, meaning as the woman you roll over and let the man walk on you.

    Wouldn't it be great if you could set up some sort of club where you and MIL could help these repressed women learn a bit about their rights. Imagine FIL once he heard you had joined forces with 'his evil ex-wife'. Oh that would be fabulous.

  5. Glad things are resolving themselves and you had your faith restored in Mr Ayak. (it's a "fine line" you need to walk in Turkish families. FIL is a HUGE presence- sort of like a malignant tumor!) and until the house is officially signed over (for whatever reason) - once it's in Mr Ayak's name, then there will be a great sigh of relief I think. (a court of law wouldn't uphold FIL trying to get it back if it was just to keep it out of MIL's hands!)

    Anyway good luck and fingers crossed the week flies by!

  6. FIL sounds the most disagreeable of men. Selfish and childish.
    Phew...... I would flip and you are a better person than I am!

    Nuts in May

  7. Fly:Yes he's eating would have to be Milas, there's nowhere else. He's headed off there again this morning. Funny that..2 trips since yesterday with no petrol and no money. hmmm!

    @eloh: You're right. Mr Ayak has seen food stashed in his car, and he's eating this during the day and presumably eating in Milas in the evening.

    TAF: Hi..great to see you here again! I wore my hackles out a long time ago!

    FF: Now that's an idea! FIL is of the old school, where men are always right and in charge and the women know their place. I'm fortunate to be married to a man who is completely the opposite!

    Jes: You are so right about the "fine line" would have seen this for yourself of course.
    Thanks for your good wishes xxx

    Maggie: I take myself off to the bedroom in the evening and flip! Writing about it here also lowers my blood pressure!

  8. Ayak, he is trying to push all the lets upset them both buttons, going out of his way to cause trouble. Oh dear, this man is really awful, best thing you can do is do as you did the last time he stayed, treat him with the contempt he deserves, unfortunately some people go through life wanting to cause trouble, and lashing out, he is one of those.

    Could it be any worse than it was in September, that was just awful, you survived, and you will this time, do not give Mr I love causing trouble the satisfaction of seeing you upset, just ignore him, if he does not want your food, then just walk away and eat it yourselves, Ayak, it is not your food, he is just finding ways to cause problems, jeez what an awful man he is.

  9. Hi Ann:

    This must be taking a great deal of effort on his part mustn't it? It's always much harder to be nasty than nice. He is definitely playing games. Ignoring me when I'm on my own and being charming to me if Mr Ayak or anyone else is around. Me: I'm just being nice all the time (and you know how difficult it has been for me!)

    Much love xxx

  10. Is there any chance that he is suffering the beginnings of dementia? The bizarre unreasonableness has a familiar ring to it.

    Well done you for keeping your temper and smile. Feel free to rant all you like here!

  11. Rosie...well I suppose it's always possible. I'd like to make allowances for his unreasonable behaviour. That would be the kind thing to do wouldn't it? But I really think he is just plain nasty!

  12. Just like you to be kind and think he is doing himself a mischief by being unpleasant.
    I think it just comes naturally to him.
    How lucky Mr. Ayak had his grandfather as a role model and not his father.

  13. I think it is the height of rudeness to spurn your food like that though. He must realise that times are hard and yet you are trying to include him and give from your heart and your kitchen. For him to have his own little supplies just to have the petty satisfaction of refusing to sit down as a family - well it tells me all I need to know.

    I'm glad MIL made her escape and hope she has good times spending (not his money, they were a couple after all) 'the' money

  14. Hey Ayak,
    I am so sorry that I hardly get time to visit your blog and leave you comments. I am so busy with my exams and stuff!

    Anyway, after reading this post, you certainly did earn the right to be smug! :)

    Once I get over with my exams I will, be regular in returning your comments.

    Bye! :)

  15. Oh yes... a GREAT big slathering of smugness spread thick on a doorstop slice of hot Granary bread washed down with lashings and lashings of Ginger Beer!

    AHHhhhhh! That hit the spot!

    Mummy!?! Is the week up yet?!?

    You're going to get to a bit in his ever-so-unwelcome stay where you are actually full-out enjoying this, you know. My guess it's going to come sooner rather than later. Since you actually now have the upper hand, you might as well just relax, be excruciatingly nice to the old Sodmuffin and laugh about it on here with us!

    Warm hugs and quiches from Kitty xo

  16. Its deffo ok for u to be feeling smug I think u are handling the situation well even if u r seething inside, still sending hugs to u xx

  17. Fly: Yes indeed..his grandfather is a sweet old man. I also think his stepmum has been a good influence.

    FF: Well she spent 40 years with him so whatever money she has taken will be little compensation.

    Kaibee: Really don't worry..I know how busy you are...and I'm happy to see you whenever you have time xxx

    Kitty: Thanks for another smile! xxx

    Bomb: Thankyou xxxx


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