Monday, 22 March 2010

Day 3

Well perhaps I was a little premature in feeling smug.

Up early again this morning and was in the kitchen as FIL walked past me without a word.  It was only when I made a point of saying good morning, that he grudgingly replied before going off to fiddle about with the garden.

As expected, when Mr Ayak surfaced, FIL refused breakfast.  Mr Ayak went out to join him in the garden and I decided to clean the sitting room windows.  Suddenly there is FIL chatting away to me as if he was my best friend!  Naturally, Mr A was only feet away so it was obviously for his benefit.  No matter...I just chatted back.

FIL set off to the land and Mr A continued to work in the garden.  A bit later he said to me that FIL had heard my comment about switching off the air-con heater the other night....and that Mr A thinks I should apologise to FIL. (So he must have been listening at the door as I suspected...sneaky little man).   I assume that's why he is behaving like this then, I asked Mr A?   So Mr A says...look he is my father, you should apologise to him.  I said OK I'll apologise, but please tell me how this explains his similar appalling behaviour towards me last September, when I did nothing wrong?  Well I wasn't there last September was I? replied Mr A....and he is being very nice to you this morning!  

OK...I can't win this one can I?  Quite clearly FIL is very good at this game.  He's no doubt been working on Mr A...and if I'm honest, I'm really no good at playing games.  I'm just too damned honest and perhaps a little outspoken at times.  I'm not a typical Turkish wife, who must obey all the men in the family.

But I do know for a fact that Mr Ayak is very much a people-pleaser, and hates any ill-feeling..and to give him the benefit of the doubt, he is probably finding this whole situation very difficult.

Me?  I'm just so angry and hurt....and definitely not feeling smug at all.  I'm not sure how I'll last out until FIL leaves on Friday.


  1. You have no need to apologise, none whatsoever. You are finding it hard to get by on the money you have, if anything, your husband should apologise to YOU for turning the heat on.

    On the other hand, ok, yes, you jumped to conclusions, you thought it was Bogcookie who turned on the heat and said so to Mr.A. But that was a conversation between a wife and her husband and to listen in and then REMARK on it is just plain rude.

    However... the handing over of the house of hanging over BOTH of your heads, and frankly? Is there any real promise? Or is it just, "If you dance to the tune I play and nicely, I may deign to consider it?"

    I'll just link you this, and try to keep you smiling. xx

    Warm hugs and quiches from Kitty xo

  2. Ah always understand me so well. And actually I've just decided I'm not going to apologise...because if I do it will be a "I'm sorry...but..." and he won't like the "but"...and I don't want a blazing row.

    And if this is what we have to go through for him to sign over the house then he can stick the house where the sun doesn't shine!

    Can't get the link at the moment as my search function is playing up but I'll have a look later.

    Thanks Kitty xxxx

  3. No need to apologise and there is a reason why you are not like a Turkish wife. It is because you are ENGLISH! Hold your head up high & be proud of that.
    The whole thing with him is so childish
    Hope he goes home soon.
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

  4. I think he's due to go home on Friday can't come soon enough. His poor wife, no wonder she left him. How on earth did she put up with him for 40 years?

    Thanks Maggie xxx

  5. Definitely a lot of this is a culture thing, but you are english and so cannot be expected to be grovelling all the time. To listen to a private conversation and then to refer to it, as if listening to it in the first place is acceptable, is just not nice! Hang on in there, he'll be gone soon.

  6. Don't apologise Ayak, you have nothing to apologise for, and if you did, you would only step down to his level, and I know you well enough to tell you this is not your level.

    Ah, men, if only they were as strong as us, how much better the world would be.

    You can do this, don't let him win Ayak.XXX

  7. Well, clearly the only thing you're sorry about is having to entertain someone who listens at keyholes.

    Horrid time for you, torn between proper standards and sympathy for Mr. Ayak.

  8. Jan: Yes it is a cultural thing to a large extent, because FIL thinks Mr A should teach me to know my place. But of course I've never had to grovel in the 12 years with Mr A, nor would he ever expect me to.

    Ann: We women are far stronger than men..psychologically anyway. Mr A may well be due a good talking to after FIL leaves!

    Fly: Ah yes but my sympathy will only stretch so far!

  9. Perhaps, if he's going to listen at the keyhole you could make it very entertaining. :)

  10. Ah Ayak, don't make it about taking sides... once you start counting "how much" either party in a relationship is "giving" it all starts to go south.

    You could tell FIL- bluntly- in front of Mr Ayak, that you are sorry you thought he turned on the heat when it was Mr. Ayak. Then leave it. (that part IS the truth.)

    Do not go to the "were you listening at the keyhole" part or even the "we have no money to heat the house for ourselves!" part. It's a small thing in the larger scale of living with mr Ayak.

    If you start to point up the differences in your cultures it won't do any good to anyone, and ultimately FIL will win, because he'll drive a wedge between you.

    Don't let that happen.

    Big virtual HUGS,

  11. Gifts: Now theres a thought!

    Jes: I've had a lot of time to think today. I've just done another post...before reading your comment oddly are probably right.

  12. I read back before commenting on the latest post. I'm with truestarr on not going down the cultural differences path. You'll probably end up wanting to pack your case and get to your daughter's a few weeks earlier than planned


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