Wednesday, 24 March 2010

Day 5

It's Day 5 of FIL's visit, and as far as we know he will be leaving on Day 7.  At least that's what Mr Ayak believes.

However, FIL asked me if I would check the weather forecast on my laptop for the next 5 days to see if any rain was due, because that would mean no work on the land.  So does that mean that he could be here for another 5 days?   When I had chance to ask Mr A what he thought (this time when I was absolutely certain that FIL was not listening through keyholes) he said he was pretty sure it would be Friday.  "After all" said Mr A, "why do you think I'm working with him on the land? I want to get the work finished as quickly as possible".   In that case, I said, get back down there and work all night if necessary!  Mr Ayak laughed and said, don't worry, there's not much left to do and it will be finished tomorrow.

I'm making such a huge effort to be nice to FIL, because I can see how happy it makes Mr Ayak.  He visibly relaxes and smiles at me when I make attempts to start up a conversation with FIL.  FIL refuses to look at me whilst I'm talking, and I only get "yes/no" answers, which actually leaves me feeling very uncomfortable.  I am one of those people who likes to be face to face and making eye contact when I'm talking with someone, and it's normal for me to have more of a two-way conversation this behaviour is quite unnerving.

I don't think Mr Ayak notices this because he is so pre-occupied with the fact that I'm making an effort at conversation, that he can't see my discomfort...and of course I'm not going to tell him how I feel...what's the point?

However, in spite of all this, I am coping with the visit much better than I thought I would when he arrived.  I think  that my decision to change my approach was definitely a wise one.  I haven't had to back down or compromise my principals, and I actually feel more in control as a result.

(I still can't wait to see the back of him though!)


  1. FIL's probably just playing mind games...

  2. I do think these times are so very important for Mr.A. He knows his dad is full of crap.. but he never got those feel good times as a boy.

    And like you said... you will be there to pick of the pieces of Mr. A. when his dad turns on him.

    And like I've said before... you are a saint.

    (Me)...I'd sneak out to his car and eat all his food.

  3. You definitely made the right decision as to how to be during this visit, and now the end's in sight!

  4. I think you are outwitting him perfectly by your thoughtfulness and I am sure you are right in thinking that being nasty........ is only a short term feeling of release, whereas you will have the perfect conscience as you have acted very well towards him.
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

  5. @eloh: Oh I'm most definitely not a saint...I'm actually shocked at how I've managed to keep this up.
    (If I could get into the car I probably would eat his food!)

    Jan: Yes the end's in sight...hopefully tomorrow.

    Maggie. I can't quite believe I've pulled this off. Anyone who knows me well would tell you that it's not in my nature to be so nice to someone like this. I thought I was a bit too long in the tooth to change my it's come as a bit of surprise.

  6. As long as you have found a way to cope, that's all that matters. Plus it is making your husband happy, so, bonus there. Just keep talking and all of us here will keep handing you virtual cups of tea and biscuits. It's the civilised thing to do in times of crisis.

    Bet you wake up tomorrow and shout 'T F I F!'

    Well, shout it inside your head, of course.

  7. You should have told him that rain was forecast for the next week. Everyone knows how unreliable those online forecasts are - well, that's what you could have sweetly said the next day with the sun beating down.

  8. That's what I was also thinking, Fancy! Tell him that the Deluge was on the way and then bless Allah that it didn't come true- after the fact. In a phone call. Long distance. Better yet, a letter. A card even.

    @Ayak, I am spiritually transmitting all my power of control and well-being to you, Ayak. (Trust me, my transmissions are quite effective. I have testimonials!!)
    As his departure time draws closer, people like FIL tend to ante-up the emotional games. I suspect you will need more self-control, so be prepared for it to be slightly more uncomfortable. However, altogether, you are handling it as well as can be expected and I am certain this too will pass. The only mistake you can make is forcing Mr. Ayak to decide between his family and you and I KNOW you are too clever to do that, no matter what FIL throws at you!

  9. FF: Unfortunatelt he was looking over my shoulder so I couldn't lie about the forecast.

    Nomad: Your transmissions seem to be working...thankyou!

    And everything else you say is right I'm sure. In fact not only did he ignore my "good morning" today, I also got an "if looks could kill" look so I'm prepared for this last day to be a bit worse.

    Just keep transmitting please!

  10. Kitty: I thought I had responded to your comment but now I've popped back, I see that it didn't appear!
    Anyway just wanted to say thankyou for your continued support with your usual good humour...and yes I can't wait till tomorrow! xxx

  11. WELL???

    Or are you too busy celebrating? (finger crossed!)


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