Saturday, 27 March 2010

I should have a little more faith.... my husband.

I have to admit to feeling very insecure after the events of the past week and in particular yesterday.

My imagination has a tendency to become very vivid at times.  I had this picture in my head of Mr Ayak sending me off into the sunset, with FIL standing with him at the door, rubbing his hands with glee...and me turning to say "OK dear've won...I hope you'll be very happy together".

Mr Ayak returned home this afternoon just as I was coming out of the house and down the steps.  He came through the gate and opened his arms to me.  He gave me a big hug and said "I'm sorry".

There was no wasn't necessary.  I didn't mention his father, but Mr Ayak said "You know I love you...and my father knows I love you, so whatever he says or does will make no difference.  There is nothing he can do to interfere with our life".

So clearly FIL has been telling Mr Ayak what he thinks of me, and has as I thought been trying to influence him...but it hasn't worked.  And I really don't need or want to know what has been said.  It's enough for me to know that, even though Mr A will always need to have some kind of relationship with his father, he will always put me first.

So we are back to normal, and even though I will have to tolerate FIL again in the future, I now know I can cope with it.

I would just like to express my appreciation to all my blogger friends for supporting me through all this.  You've given such good advice, you've encouraged me and believed in me.   I didn't feel able to talk to anyone about how I felt, and even though I was a little reluctant to blog about it, I am very pleased I did.  The anonymity of blogging somehow makes it if I'm not really burdening anyone.  It has helped me enormously.   Thank you.


  1. True love conquers all, my dear, and here is perfect proof! Love endues all things, etc.

    Oh, I'm really so very happy now for you, I just am, I'm smiling for you!

    I'm just pleased as punch that all is right in your world once again!


    Warm hugs and quiches from Kitty xo

  2. You are so lovely Kitty...thankyou xxx

  3. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

    That is what I was trying to say... :)

  4. Ah yes Kitty...but I knew what you meant...xxxx

  5. Nothing and nobody can get in the way of two people who truly love and care for each other. It is very easy to let our negative thoughts take hold though; maybe this will give you renewed confidence with your place in Mr Ayak's heart.

  6. So happy all is well for now.
    Poor Mr Ayak, it must be difficult for him, no wonder he turned to drink after his dad left.

  7. Phew! Thats a relief. I hope that you won't get such a terrible visit again for a very long time.

    Nuts in May

  8. I'm so glad to read this post as I really wanted to comment and tell you to be patient with your hubby until you were sure...but I didn't dare. You did the right thing and should be very proud of yourself for maintaining such a calm demeanor...even if you were boiling away inside.

  9. FF, Maggie, Monalisa, Mr H:

    Thankyou...well thanks again to everyone who has taken the trouble to comment on my posts this past week. It certainly helped me to stay calm and get through it xxx

  10. Oh doll, you know I have not been in touch with you for a couple of days ( you should have txt me, I would have phoned you), new computer and all that ( love it now ha!)I am so sorry you went through all of this, though Ayak, you came out stronger, your relationship much better, more stable, Mr Ayak proved his love for you, of which I was never in doubt, I am so happy for you both.

    There is nothing I can say about FIL that has not been said, he is a cruel, megalomaniac, who would love nothing better than to control his son, and hurt you, well hurt both of you actually.

    What am I doing up at this unreasonable hour, we are all fast asleep in bed, Charlie boy heard a noise outside, probably a bird fly past, or a branch move, and would not stop woofing, the threat of beheading, hiding all his toys, eating all his dog biscuits was useless, so got up, anyway, today is one of my favourite days of the year, clocks went forward.

    Oh Billy is so gorgeous, not long until you see him.

    Don't forget who loves you.

  11. Hi Ann: I very nearly did text you..but to be honest I really needed to try to deal with this on my own. I wasn't sure for a while how it would go. If it had gone badly I would have spoken to you because you always know the right things to say and are always there when I need you.
    I'm glad you're finding your way around the new pc.
    I was also up very early this morning for the same reasons...with Beki. I'm sure she and Charlie are long lost brother and sister!

  12. I am SO pleased this has worked out well. Am sitting here with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. Bless you both.

    Am so with you on having the complete scene laid out in my head. Maybe we have to confront the worst that can happen and plan an escape. Be prepared...........

  13. Congrats.. but don't underrate your own actions. You kept up the nice offensive and didn't play FIL's game. From my experience, the more energy you put into any drama, the more energy is flung back into your face and you avoided it. Good job!

  14. Rosie: It's not always good to have such an active imagination is it? But as you prepared!

    Nomad: Thanks for your confidence in me and for upping the transmissions...they worked!

  15. hi,

    i haven't read the previous post, and am not sure bout the reason why his father has something against your relationship. I am a turkish girl, living in a christian country, and my parents refuse to even think about me marring a christian man. How did you two manage? the guys are usually scared when they find out that i must leave my family in order to be with them, and this is a very big pressure, on their minds.

    give me a piece of advice, and tell me if you changed our religion for your husbant, or how was it?

    thank you...

  16. Hi LaMia and welcome to my blog.

    Its a little difficult to give a direct answer to your question because everyone's circumstances are different.

    When I met my husband we had both been married before and both have grown-up children. My husband was by this time of course leading a life completely independent of his parents...In other words he made his own decisions.

    He is a muslim but he is not particularly religious. We had the official marriage ceremony, which as you know is the legal one...the Muslim ceremony is not, but some people like to have this one too. We didn't because neither of us thought it important. So I didn't change my religion, nor was I ever asked to.

    I get the impression that if you are talking about a first marriage, for Turkish girls, parents can be more strict than they are for boys. particularly if the parents are very religious.

    If you read back on my blog you may get a better picture of the relationship with my father-in-law. I have had no problems at all with the rest of my husband's family. They have all welcomed me warmly.

    I'm not sure if this really answers your question, other than to say there really was nothing to prevent us marrying each other..Like I said it depends very much on individual circumstances.

  17. thank you. indeed the circumstances are different, but yet, the substance is all the same. fight between religions. My parents are terrified about what religion the children should be, and also they tell me that i will have a cross on my head, after i'll be gone. i am not very religious either, but yet, i don't wanna change my belifs, with others. it is as you said, a first marriage thing, and my parents are very old fashioned, and religious. I got to be independent, i live on my own in a different city, but they expect me to be a virgin and marry one day a muslim guy, which is impossible.
    i know some day i will pass through this tough choice, and will choose my husband over my parents, but somehow, I put a lot of responsability on the poor guy's shoulders...what if one day we will have to brake up, cause relationship is like gambling...he will feel responsible for having me set appart from my is very hard to be me. all my relationsips are hidden.
    i just wanna live in paris, where i was amaized upon the freedom of choice, in interrasial relationships...

    thank you for your fast answer, and really, I am very happy for you two. Hang in there, as in my opinion, parents have already lived their lives, and after they will be gone, you'll have to live 40 or 50 years with the choices they have made for, you are your husband's best friend, mother, father, sister...and whatever humans need.

    keep you from Romania.

  18. LaMia: Your life seems very difficult for you at the moment. I'm so sorry you are faced with this dilemma...feeling like you have to make a choice between what your parents want for you, and what you really want for yourself.

    Religion has a lot to answer for in terms of the problems that are caused. Parents too have a lot to answer for in the demands they place on their children. I can see clearly that you worry about going against their wishes in case a relationship doesn't work out and then you will feel that you have lost both the one you love and your parents.

    Your last paragraph says it all for me...that you are a very wise person who deserves a fulfilling life. I hope you can eventually achieve this without having to upset anyone. Don't give is too short to spend so much of it being unhappy.

    And thank you for your good're very kind.


  19. thank you so much. no matter what therapist i'm seeing, felt like nobody understands you, except the ones that went trough the same thing as you did. that's why i am happy to find you, although in a virtual manner. thank you for your time, and i'll keep reading your posts with interest. after all, i am one of your followers, mainly because my boyfriend calls me TD, as per turkish delight...:)

  20. I'm not sure I've been of much help La Mia, but I know it is useful sometimes to just talk about how you feel...and somehow its easier on an anonymous blog isn't it?
    I'm very glad you found me too, and do stick around. I may need your advice at times too!

    Good luck in everything you do. You will instinctively know when you have made the right decision...I promise.

  21. I think it is very helpful to be able to speak, to be heard, to have people listen and to be able to both share your own viewpoint and to listen to other's. It gives a sort of validation; that you are worthy of having your own opinions, that what you think actually matters.

    And to know you are not alone on this firmament, there are other's facing what you face. That other people have a similar situation and conundrum that is also puzzling them. It gives validation. It also is reassuring.

    We are not so different after all, regardless of where we come from and how we are raised. We all want to feel wanted and loved.

    Kind regards, Kitty

  22. Only just read this. Glad things are sorting themselves out. I always knew they would. Hope you can get on with the rest of your life now.

  23. Kitty: Absolutely! xxx

    Heiko: Thanks xxx

  24. Glad you and Mr Ayak are all hunky dory now (if thats the right spelling hehe) I agree with what someone else said "True love conquers all" and thats probably what really p***** of FIL because he hasnt had that sort of love. xx

  25. Thankyou Bomb...and yes you are probably right about FIL.

    Good luck for tomorrow xx


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