Wednesday, 24 March 2010

It's much easier to be nice.....

...than nasty.

Being deliberately nasty takes so much effort, and in my experience it doesn't make you feel very good about yourself.  You may get instant gratification at the time..but the feeling is short-lived.

So I'm continuing to be nice to FIL.   It doesn't take a huge effort because he's out all day, and when he's here I'm usually in another room.  I still offer him food...he still declines my offers.

I learned from Mr Ayak that yesterday FIL complained about the bed he's sleeping in.  It's too hard and he's not warm enough.  So I've sorted it out.  Next to the mattress it now has a fitted sheet, then a quilt and then another fitted sheet.  On top it has a quilt and two thick blankets.  That should do the trick!

Mr A and I are both smokers.   Yes I know it's a bad habit, and we are short of money, but it helps with the stress we both have at the moment, and we have cut right back on the amount we smoke.  Sometimes we run out of cigarettes, but we just put up with it.  FIL always has cigarettes but it wouldn't occur to offer them to Mr A or I, when we don't have them, he will just smoke in front of us.  Mr A has worked every day with him on the land, often without cigarettes, but FIL hasn't once offered him one.

This morning, I was in the kitchen, FIL was out in the garden.  Mr A came in and asked if I had any cigarettes. I have about half a packet left.  Mr A said "Can I take two, because my father has run out of cigarettes?"   Oh!  What a perfect opportunity for me to be nice!  Instead of handing over two to Mr A, I went out into the garden and said to FIL "I understand you have run out of cigarettes, please have one of mine".  He took one...I could see how difficult it was for him to say thankyou...but of course he had to.

I enjoyed the moment immensely.  I kind of have that smug feeling again!

16 comments:

  1. YAY!! And lest we forget, Mr A got to *see* his father be nice, and wife generous! Bravo! (Glad you didn't just give Mr. A two cigarettes... MUCH better this way.)

    re: mattresses... did you hide a pea at the bottom? (maybe he's just enchanted to be "evil"?)

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  2. Yes I thought it was a good move Jes...one up to me!
    It did cross my mind about a pea!

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  3. I'm with Jes, good for you on that clever bit of one-up-man-ship... in a kind and generous fashion, of course!

    I've been wondering how things were going, I'm glad you keep us updated regularly, it's comforting to see how well you are coping.

    I'll also add that, even though it IS still FIL's house and land, in a way, I suppose, it is rather nice for him to be sorting out the garden and such instead of leaving it all to the two of you to do yourselves.
    Although I still consider him to be a mean little man, I still hope and pray, for your sakes, that he has the capacity to change. That he might still see how much better it is to be kind and generous and begin to mend fences.

    I'm that way, I try to see the good in everybody which means I am a soft git, an easy mark and end up being walked all over and taken advantage of, more than a few times in the past. (Luckily I also have a dear friend who will take my rose-coloured spectacles off for me, and explain the truth.)

    Ah well. I'll just continue to feel indignant and offended on your behalf until you tell me otherwise!

    Warm hugs and quiches from Kitty xo

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  4. Thanks Rosie xxx

    Kitty: Mr A doesn't believe FIL will change. He says he has always been this way, and he is quite nasty to most people so I guess that's the way he is. It's sad because I think he must be a very unhappy man don't you?

    Oh and by the way, as far as the garden is concerned, it's Mr A who's doing the work. When I mention FIL fiddling about in the garden, he's just poking about here and there to find things to criticise, or snipping things with his secateurs that have already been pruned by Mr A. He just has to have the last word in everything.

    (( xxx))

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  5. As an ex-smoker (nine years now without a fag) I would never have been able to light up without offering a cigarette to a fellow smoker. Can you not get some packs of tobacco and papers for those emergency times when you have run out of proper packets?

    Well done on the sweetness and light persona. Not much longer to go now.

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  6. I'm the same FF. And I could never smoke in front of another smoker, knowing they didn't have any cigarettes. Mr A is the same, probably more so, which is why he's always running out.
    We've tried roll-ups, several times, but the loose tobacco you buy here is disgusting...I'm sure it's chopped-up old socks..I'd actually rather go without than smoke one!

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  7. Well done, you! Especially as that way he only got one whereas had you given your half packet to Mr. Ayak, the so and so would have had the lot.

    Smug away all you like...well deserved moment!

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  8. Well done you Ayak, I would just want to punch the man, oops sorry maybe I shouldnt have said that lol xx

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  9. Thanks Fly and also Bomb....and it's OK to say you want to punch him. (It's how I feel really but I'm restraining myself)

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  10. Nice one Ayak! Not long until FIL goes now.

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  11. Thanks Jan...well I'm assuming it's Friday but you never know with Turkish familes.

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  12. "...well I'm assuming it's Friday but you never know with Turkish families."

    Good grief, Ayak, that made the music from the shower scene in Psycho start playing in my head.

    EEeeeeeeeeeeeee!

    EEeeeeeeeeeeeee!

    EEeeeeeeeeeeeee!

    (With the knife action, in black and white... scary.)

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  13. OK OK Kitty...calm down...don't panic...I'm coping...see my latest post!

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  14. You got one up on him with the cigarettes..

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  15. Monalisa: Yes I think so! xx

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