I'm sure you must all be pretty bored by now with all this stuff going on with my FIL. Please don't feel obliged to read anymore or comment...I won't be offended, but please know that your words of encouragement and support so far have been a huge boost to my self-esteem. I've been getting more and more angry as the day has worn on, and it helps to write it down.
The only way I can calm down is to take a huge step back from this situation and look at it objectively.
I'm sitting in the bedroom with my laptop, because Mr A and FIL are in the sitting-room with the air-con heater going full blast, and even passing through to the kitchen to get a coffee, immediately brought me out in a sweat. The television is on and they are chuckling away together at some inane comedy sit-com. Turkish humour is of the obvious/in your face/Benny Hill/slapstick type. Not my cup of tea at all. They don't do subtle. Although I do remember watching a couple of episodes of The Office with Mr A once, and having explained the humour to him, he did actually find it very funny...so there's hope for him yet!
You may recall me talking about Mr A's childhood. His father never showed him any love..well he gave him nothing really. Suddenly after all these years, his father decides to give him a house. I think Mr A is so desperate to win his father's respect and affection, that this gesture must have seemed like a huge breakthrough to him. I think he is terrified of losing the relationship that he BELIEVES he now has with his father, that he thinks he has to accept everything that his father says or does, even if that means he has to be seen to be treating me in a typically Turkish male manner.
He's been working with his father on the land since he arrived on Saturday, they've been to the teahouse together, and now they are sitting watching TV, the way fathers and sons should. It actually makes me really sad. It's what Mr A has always wished for, even though he's too proud to admit it. But is it just too little too late? And he doesn't realise, as I do, that this isn't his father caring for him the way he should care for his son...it's all about control.
I'm the fly in the ointment though...at least I'm sure that's how FIL sees me. Because I won't just lay down and roll over. I won't suddenly after 12 years become a subservient Turkish wife. And he knows I won't. He's trying to control his son but he can't control me, and he's not happy about it. It means he has to up his game-plan and work a bit harder at it. I'm sure he'd like nothing better than to have me out of the picture completely....so I'm certain he will do his utmost to turn Mr A against me.
I know things will change when he leaves, and he's no longer able to influence or manipulate his son. One thing he fails to realise is that I know his son better than he does.
In the meantime, I'm stepping back and watching from a distance. Let Mr A enjoy this time with his father, with no interference from me. He needs to make the most of it because it won't last. I'm not going to be the one to burst Mr A's bubble...no doubt his father will do that at some time in the future. I'll just be here to pick up the pieces.