Wednesday, 14 April 2010

Turbulent Tuesday (or a follow-on from Manic Monday)

So there was Mr the hotel, in the premises which accommodate his business venture, without Mehmet, his partner.

It would seem that Mehmet will not be released by the jandarma until Friday.  Now this makes me a little curious...concerned even.  If he is not connected in any way with the PKK...if he is just an innocent traveller from Diyarbakir...then why would they keep him for so long?  I asked Mr Ayak this question and his answer was simply "I really don't know"....and the tone of his voice tells me that he is exasperated and utterly fed up.

The hotel is not yet open and Mr Ayak has no accommodation.  Mehmet had previously agreed to sort out renting a house to be used for all personnel, which of course would have happened if he had arrived on Monday.  In the meantime, Mr Ayak, with no money, and the entire hotel including his premises having to be locked up for the night for security reasons,  slept outside.

When I spoke to him on the phone yesterday, he said that he hadn't much choice.  Either he borrowed petrol money to come back home last night and wait until Friday for Mehmet, or he went ahead and rented a house.  He had found something suitable and needed 150 lira.  This can't of course be the cost of a month's rent because you'd never be able to find anything to rent so cheaply, but obviously he had managed to do a deal with the landlord...presumably this was a deposit. 

Mr Ayak's cousin lives nearby,  but Mr A's pride won't let him tell his cousin that he has no money and nowhere to stay.  Of course if his cousin knew he would accommodate him until things are sorted out.  If this was a similar situation in England I would probably the cousin and tell him.  But I know how proud the Turks are.  For some reason they won't even let their families know if they are in dire straits...they'd rather put on a brave face and pretend everything is wonderful.  It's so frustrating..simply because they are more than willing to help each other when the going gets tough. 

I had two friends visiting yesterday.  Well one friend  from England who has a house in Selçuk.  She is on the verge of retirement and comes over several times a year and hopes to move permanently as soon as she gives up work.  She brought another friend with her.  We had a pleasant few hours out in the gazebo and I made mercimek soup for lunch and one of my banana cakes.  As it was market day in Milas they decided they'd like to have a look around before setting off back to Selçuk, so we caught the dolmuş into Milas mid-afternoon.  I showed them where the market was and said my goodbyes. 

I then withdrew 150 lira off my credit card..which is showing distinct signs of wear and tear now...and set off to the post office to send it to Mr Ayak.  Weighing everything up, I decided it was better to pay so that he could remain there and have a roof over his head.  I'm also a little concerned now about whether Mehmet will eventually turn there is little point in Mr A coming home and waiting for him until Friday.  And the thought of my husband having to sleep outside upsets me.  It isn't the first time he has had to do this.  There have been times in the past when he's travelled away from home to find work, that he's had to sleep outside, to save money.  He would never tell me about it until later.  He won't ask me for money unless he is absolutely desperate, and he knows that my credit card is our only means of obtaining money at the moment, and that the debt is increasing at a rapid rate.

I just stopped dead in my tracks yesterday.  I reminded myself that life is so short and we have to accept the bad times because they make us stronger and appreciate it when the good times finally arrive.

BUT... If I'm totally honest I am getting a little fed up with waiting for those good times to arrive...I wish they'd hurry up and get here!


  1. Okay. Let me just say that I am worried about Mr. A. This must be such a strain on you! I know what you mean about waiting for those good times! Me too! I once thought my ship had come in, only to find out it was the Titanic. Oh well, what to do but put one foot in front of the other. But PLEASE keep us posted on Mr. A. And I simply don't get the refusal to turn to family for help...especially a place to stay. C

  2. Stickhorsecowgirl: It's difficult to understand the refusal to ask for help unless you understand the Turkish mentality. Believe me..much as I would like to would be totally the wrong thing to do. I've learned from my mistakes in the past. Mr A is a survivor..he has had difficult times before..I know he'll come through it...I just hope it will be sooner rather than later.

  3. Oh Ayak, I don't know what to say really- I keep writing stuff and then deleting it. Please remind me - is Mehmet the one who stayed recently when the toaster grill thing broke? The chap who was lovely? Perhaps he is just being detained because the police are playing games (incidentally isn't 'jandarma' like 'gendarme').

    This is a very very difficult time for you both right now. That old cliche about having to get worse before it gets better seems quite apt to me. You need to get to the UK without extreme worry hanging over you. I'm so waiting for the post that reads it's all up and running because, in theory, the venture sounds like a very good plan. If I were staying in the hotel on holiday it is the sort of thing I would want to go and experience.

  4. Aren't men maddening.
    I don't think it's just Turkish men who are proud. I think all men want family and friends to think they have plenty of money.
    Women would have no problem looking for a bed for the night rather than sleeping on the street.

  5. Oh dear Ayak, oh dear, never rains but it pours for you, does it, you must be so frustrated, that is putting it mildly.

    It has to get better for you both, please let it get better. You must be going out of your mind just now with worry, Mr Ayak must be tearing his hair out, you are so right, nothing is straightforward in Turkey.

    This is just so awful for you both, it will get better, and think of Billy on Sunday, and your daughter.

  6. FF: Yes it is the same Mehmet. I don't know what to think. The jandarma could be dragging their heels because they have nothing better to do? Who knows? (yes they are more or less the same as gendarme).
    I too hope I can set off on Sunday without it hanging over me.

    Monalisa: Oh yes I do agree. We woman would just say "sod the pride" wouldn't we?

    Ann: You know only too well how things are here because we've talked about it often. You just can't make things happen when you want them to in this country. They work at a different pace, they have a different set of priorities, and it's absolutely never straightforward. Roll on Sunday!

  7. Have just caught up with your last two posts and I am so sorry that this has happened.
    Must be a terrible strain on you wondering what to do. Pity about the pride and that cousin. A great pity. I think I'd have telephoned him anyway........ but thats how I am.
    Sounds a very frustrating place to be in right now, but you are dealing with this much better than I would have done.
    Hoping there is bright light at the end of the tunnel.Maggie X

    Nuts in May

  8. Never a boring day in Turkey, I am hoping for the best for Mr. Ayak.

  9. Maggie: It was indeed very tempting to phone his cousin, but I've made mistakes in the past by saying things, in all innocence, to members of his family and it has I tread very carefully these days. They are a strange race...far too much pride for their own good at times.
    I'm looking for the bright light Maggie...thankyou xxx

  10. It certainly must be soooooooo frustrating, but you're right about not phoning the cousin. After all, if Mr. A. wanted help then he could ask for it, and it's much better for you to go along with the turkish way. Hope it all turns out ok on Friday with Mr. A's friend.

  11. It's true Jan...there are times when it's best to keep quiet. Thanks xx

  12. You must be feeling at the end of your tether, but I know what you mean about the 'loss of face' is the reverse of the coin of Turkish generosity.

    I expect the jandarma are waiting for someone to make a decision about whether to do anything...and no one will take responsibility for the release 'just in case'.

    I do so hope this all sorts out before you leave for the U.K.

  13. Fly: You're right about the loss of face stuff...and probab ly right about the jandarma too. Of course I'd like it sorted before I go to the UK but there's not a lot I can do if it isn't. I'm not going to let it spoil my time in England...I'll just have to mentally switch off from it...if possible.

  14. What a lot of turmoil for you and Mr.A! You have the right attitude but the hard thing will be maintaining until the wind changes direction, so to speak. Moat of the things I can think of to say sound utterly pithy so I will simply wish you better luck than the last two days have brought you both. I will keep you in my thoughts and wish for good news.

  15. I dont know what to say to be honest just sending you and Mr Ayak biggest virtual hugs I can send xx

  16. Nomad and Bomb:

    Thankyou..your good wishes and hugs are very much appreciated xx


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