...when you realise you can't do all the things you want to. Age creeps up on you mostly without you realising. I'll be having another birthday tomorrow. Is it me? Or do birthdays seem to get closer together as you're getting older?
I'm still in my 20s in my head...until I look in the mirror and recognise that I'm not. I wish I could still move about as fast as I used to. I'd love to be able to run for the bus without feeling as if all my internal organs are jumping about and swapping places with each other. I'd like to skip up this hill to our house without feeling as if I'm going to pass out with exhaustion.
I've never been one to worry about how ageing affects my physical appearance. I'm not a vain person. I have no problem in accepting this part of ageing. I'd never in a million years go under the surgeon's knife or try botox or liposuction...or any of those things that people do to slow down the ageing process. I don't mind the wrinkles...I think they add character. I don't even mind that everything starts to sag eventually. After all it's only the surface isn't it? It's what's beneath that really counts.
But if someone offered me a pill that would give me the same energy that I used to have...then I would definitely take it. Just so that I don't have to eventually accept growing old gracefully.
It's so important to stay as active as possible, and this is something that has been lacking in my life since last year. I do like to work. Mr Ayak would like me more involved in the business. On my visits there, he is happy for me to try to encourage his personnel to work a bit harder. They do seem to spend a lot of time just hanging around aimlessly. So I point out that the hamam could do with an extra clean, that they need to be handing out more leaflets, etc. Mr A is a bit soft but I'm firmer, and they seem to take notice of me. If we have to play "good cop..bad cop" to get the business going, then that's OK with me.
Mr A, with the help of one of his boys, Sinan (who is good when it comes to mechanics), have been looking around for a car over the past couple of days. Mr A and I have pooled our limited resources and come up with about 1500 lira between us...2000 at a push, which we hope will be sufficient for a deposit. It will be an old vehicle, but as long as the engine is good, it will do.
Once we have a vehicle, I will be able to go into work with him as often as I like. When the dogs have finished being in season, they can go back outside. Poppy in her house and run, and Beki the entire garden, with plenty of shady areas.
Mr A will also be relieved to come home every night. He is not getting very much sleep at the moment. He is paying for personnel accommodation for him, Mehmet and 3 boys, and I've seen it...it's pretty grim and way over-priced. Five of them are sleeping in one tiny room in 3 single beds pushed together plus 2 bunk beds. No wonder Mr A is getting no sleep.
If we have a car, Mr A can find accommodation for them on the outskirts of the tourist area, at half the price, and they can be collected by him on the way to the hamam.
We both know that this isn't exactly the right time to be spending money on a car, but we also recognise that all this time apart is having a serious effect on our marriage, and that's our priority right now.
So...as for the birthday tomorrow...how will I celebrate it? I may just spend a few hours in the hamam and have a massage. We'll probably have lunch in the hotel restaurant. The perfect celebration for me would be that the hamam is so full of paying customers, that they can't fit me in!