Tuesday, 10 August 2010
It was very interesting and proved to be a useful tool in helping our clients to manage their anger and channel it in a more positive direction. Even if I say so myself, I was pretty good at diffusing angry situations and generally calming people down.
But when it comes to practising what I preached, I fail miserably. It's a bit like nurses making the worst patients. If I'm angry, I forget about how I'm supposed to deal with it.
I'm angry now. Mr Ayak's business venture seems to have failed. I don't know why it has gone wrong. Potentially it was a good idea. It should have worked....he was enthusiastic about it...he worked hard at it, in spite of various obstacles which kept getting in the way...and the fact that no-one wants to spend money on turkish baths and massages.
OK...he's sticking it out. He has no choice. He has the rest of the rental to pay, plus personnel accommodation, etc. He can't just walk away from these responsibilities...much as I think he would like to.
So why am I so angry? Maybe it's because I'm fed up with struggling. I want life to get easier, not more difficult. I'm more angry than I've ever been in my entire life, to the point that I want to hit someone or something. I don't usually feel like this....I usually just go into a deep depression.
I can't talk to Mr Ayak. We haven't spoken for days. It's because I'm angry and I'm scared that if I get into a conversation with him I will start blaming him for everything going wrong. I'm sure he doesn't need that..he's probably already blaming himself.
So in a way I'm exercising a little control...by not projecting my anger on to him, but I don't know how to channel these feelings.
Blogging about this has in fact helped to calm me down a little, but it's not enough. If anyone has any brilliant ideas to help me get rid of this anger...please let me know.