Monday, 23 August 2010

A bit too soft sometimes.....

...that's me!  And Mr Ayak.  We try to be tough about things....well I encourage him and he encourages me, so we don't get completely walked all over, or fail to muster up the courage to say what we really feel.  But sometimes it's difficult.

The old woman next door...the one with a donkey, 2 cows, 3 goats and chickens..is I think taking advantage of my good nature.  She often asks for one onion, one potato, one tomato, etc..so of course if I have what she wants I give it to her.  I never get anything back.

If I go down to the shop in the village to get bread, she sees me and asks me to get some for her.  I'm happy to do this.  A couple of weeks ago, she said she didn't have any money to pay for it, so I just gave her the bread and said "don't worry about it".  However since then she hasn't even offered to pay for the bread.  And I'm just too soft to stop buying it for her.  Bread's cheap enough so it's not a big problem, but part of me is feeling a bit cross because I don't have the courage to ask for the money.  I know I should because she's probably better off than I am at the moment.

I was over at the hotel today.  When I arrived, one of the hotel customers was using Mr Ayak's laptop to download his photos onto a memory stick.   This is now a common occurrence..not just the downloading of photos, but a constant stream of people logging on to check their emails, Facebook or whatever.  I had said to Mr A before now that he perhaps should only offer the use of the laptop to customers of the Hamam, and that anyone else should be charged.  After all they would have to pay in an internet cafe wouldn't they?  But Mr A is too soft, he can't say no when someone asks.  Anyway shortly before I left today, and after about 6 or 7 more  hotel guests had used the laptop...free of charge...it suddenly developed a virus.   It's now gone off to be repaired by a computer engineer at goodness knows what cost.  And who's going to pay for the repair?  Well Mr A of course.   Had he started charging for the use of it in the first place, he would have at least some money set aside for repairs.

In a way I'm glad it's happened, because Mr A says that he is now not going to allow anyone else to use the laptop.  But I don't know whether to believe him...because someone will ask..and he won't be able to say no.

I went straight into Milas this afternoon to get my hair cut.  I last had it cut about 6 weeks ago, and at the same time I had the colour done.  I liked the colour at the time, but after less than two weeks it had faded badly and looked awful.   I should have had the courage to go back to the hairdresser and complain.  But I didn't.  I bought a DIY hair colour from the supermarket and did it myself.   And actually it turned out far better than the hairdresser's attempts, and is still looking good 6 weeks later.  Fortunately the colour was on special offer and also had two packs in one, so I bought a couple, which will last me quite some time.

So I was kind of dreading going to the hairdresser, because I was sure he would ask about the colour.  It's clearly a different shade, so I was sure he would notice.  And naturally I intended to tell him that I did it myself because I was unhappy with the job he did.

I even considered going to a completely different hairdresser to get my hair cut because I was embarrassed at facing him.  But he does cut well, so off I went.   Well...can you believe it...he just said "the colour has lasted well".   And I just said "yes".  How pathetic is that?  Now if I continue as planned to colour my own hair, I'm going to face this problem again the next time I go for a haircut.   I should just tell him the truth, but I'm too soft and hate offending people.

It's really time to toughen up...learn to say no...and develop enough courage to say what I really mean!

11 comments:

  1. The problem with toughening up is that the people who have been taking advantage are not only surprised...but indignant!

    We've had this, when Mr. Fly gets fed up with people not only borrowing tools repeatedly when they know they have a big job on and should buy their own, but breaking them and saying nothing, so that when, some time later, he wants to use them himself, they don't work.

    The guilty party always says that the tools were O.K. when returned...refuses any responsibility...and, when Mr. Fly refuses any further loans, gets shirty.

    As if it's Mr. Fly's fault for catching him.

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  2. Oh it's so difficult!! I have this problem as well...I'm getting better at dealing with it but I'm still not great.

    Re the bread...why don't you say something along the lines of...Mr A has taken your purse by accident/you've misplaced it and have just managed to scrape together the money for your groceries today. Does she want you to get anything for her whilst your there?' and then wait for the money....(a wee white lie but it might mean she starts giving you the money again!)

    C x

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  3. Fly: Oh yes I do agree. They do get very indignant! Once when my neighbour asked for something I didn't have, she was most put out when I said no...went away muttering under her breath!

    Carol: A good idea...although Mr A couldn't take my purse by accident because he isn't coming home at the moment...but I'll try and think of something along those lines!

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  4. Oh... you are so funny...... but so like me. I am getting better at toughening up with strangers but still feel awkward with people I know.
    I suppose we cannot change if we have a soft nature but I definitely wouldn't let others onto my computer. Only my son or daughter.
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

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  5. Just tell your neighbour that you'll be glad to get the bread but that you haven't got any spare money at the moment. You sound such a generous person, it's a shame that folk are taking advantage.

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  6. Maggie...actually I won't let anyone use my laptop...not even (especially) Mr Ayak. It's the one thing I'm really possessive about.

    Jan: I actually now feel guilty about mentioning it because bread is so cheap. I don't begrudge it at all. I would probably refuse the money if offered...but it would just be nice if it was offered!

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  7. Omg Ayak u r so much like me. I cant believe how soft I am with some stuff, what is the matter with us?? I find with me its the fact as well that I try to help then peeps take advantage and I end up with the problems in the end grrr. Mr AYak shoul deffo never let anyone use his laptop mine is sacred too xx

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  8. I don't think you should feel silly about the bread issue. She is taking advantage of you. I would have said something too about the hair. Why should you have to keep paying for a bad hair do, but I know what you mean. I have a friend that only calls when she needs something. Then she spends hours complaining about her love life. When she first got divorced I felt sorry for her, but after 5 years I am tired of hearing about it. I am to the point that I look at the caller id before i pick it up. I just don't have the nerve to tell her.

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  9. I'm exactly the same, I hate the thought of upsetting people so I just suck it up, seethe inwardly and burn holes in my stomach lining.

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  10. so there are really two kinds of people: soft hearted ones and the others who take advantage of them. i think it is time that all the soft herated people unite and say NO.

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  11. Bomb: Seems there's a lot of us softies about!

    likeschocolate: Oh it's awful when you have a so-called friend who takes advantage in this way. I've experienced that too. I must admit that when it has happened to me in the past I've just backed off...friendship shouldn't be one-sided

    auntiegwen: Yes that pretty much sums it up!

    jedilost: I think you could be right...maybe I should start a campaign to encourage the softies to say NO!

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