Thursday, 14 October 2010


I don't know why it is that I seem to have spent my life waiting...waiting for the next thing to happen.

Sometimes I know what I'm waiting for.  It can be something I have waited for with excited Christmas and birthdays as a child, or the arrival of a child or grandchild.   Or it can be something that fills me with dread like bills when you know you don't have enough money.

I think I'm a little like my late father.  I always felt that he wasn't quite happy enough, that he was waiting to be happier.  I remember him saying to me when he was almost 70 years old that he was still waiting for his life to start.  That's really sad isn't it?

These days I wait for Mr A's latest adventure...I always hope that the next one will be the one that earns some money to make our lives a little more comfortable and to stop me worrying so much. He is also the most accident prone person I have ever known, so I'm often waiting for the next accident or incident.  I never have long to wait!

In my last post, he was on his way home.  He obtained a refund for the unused stock...and off he went.
Just outside Izmir he had an accident.  Well not him personally, but the car.  As he was turning a corner one of the front wheels came off the car and hit another car.  No-one was hurt.  The damage to the other car was minimal and cost little to repair, which Mr A paid.  But then most of the refund money was used to fix the wheel back onto our car.

So he finally came home, tail between legs (because he feels ashamed about this last venture, like others before, has not earned any money).   I sent him straight off for a shower.  He has been in the same clothes since Friday and the smell wasn't pleasant I can tell you!  He saw little point in taking more clothes with him because he was sleeping in the car and wouldn't have been able to shower and change anyway.

Neither of us felt much like talking, so we waited until this morning to discuss future plans.  We have two options.  Either he goes away to somewhere like Istanbul to work for the winter, or he looks for a job locally.  We both know that his being away from home has caused many problems between us this year, but there's not much in the way of work in this area.  However, he has been into Milas this evening to see a man about some building work.  There's nothing immediately, but if he waits a few more days, there's a possibility of some work for the winter.  If that doesn't happen, then I'm afraid I'll just have to put up with him going away again. I am again...waiting.


  1. And it's always waiting on something you can't control...

    Waiting in hospital waiting rooms, waiting at home hoping the 'phone doesn't ring...and nothing I can do to determine the outcome.

    I do feel for you and I just hope things will turn round for you both.

  2. Fly: Oh yes of waiting rooms, and dreaded phone calls...and nail on the head control over the outcome. Very difficult.

    Thanks as always for your good wishes xxx

  3. I thought you might appreciate this poem I wrote years ago.

  4. Nomad: Thanks...great can feel a sense of anxiety in it which is really what you often get when you're waiting isn't it?

  5. Back to your post. At the very least, Mr. Ayak, while not exactly a stunning success in his efforts, does not seem to be giving up. That seems much worse, I think. That would be even more frustrating, to just surrender. As always, my friend, you know I am wishing you good luck and a host of other positive thoughts.

  6. Nomad: Thankyou my dear friend. It's true that he is a bit of a walking disaster, but he never gives up trying. If I had to tolerate someone who just gave up and made no effort at all, I don't think I could do it frankly. Sometimes in life you have to just accept people for what they are. Not everyone is capable of being successful in everything that they do.

  7. If is isn't one thing it's t'other!

    Really glad he got his investment back, tho sorry about the car eating it up... I wish I could send you some "good luck" and a happy outcome, you sound like you both really need it!

    BIG virtual hugs/

  8. Jes: Thanks for your good means a lot xxx

  9. Whatever happens he does seem to be genuinely trying hard.
    I hope something shows up soon. Life doesn't seem fair at times.
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

  10. Bomb: Hugs back at you (( )) xx

    Maggie: Thankyou xxx

  11. I admire your stamina and his strenght and determination. Good luck my friend. I'm hoping only the best for both of you. I wish there was something I could say that would lighten your anxiety. I'm a worrier also. Hugs to both of you!

  12. Charlotte Ann: Your kind words are enough...thankyou xx

  13. Life is difficult and I have learned that as one gets older it does not get easier. How often did I hear the phrase "Aging is not for sissies", but I did not comprehend what it meant. As I get older, hopefully I am getting "wiser" and considering what is really important as I am in the autumn of my years. Still, one never knows what tomorrow may bring...or even if we have a tomorrow.
    Ok, I AM waxing philosophical now, (lol), but at this time in your life, what is MOST important to you? For me it is being near my grandchildren and hopefully impacting their life in some useful way. I want to be a support to my children in helping them raise this future generation. I want to teach my daughters that the bringing up of children is the MOST valuable contribution they will ever make--a privilege, with many joys, but also not easy. What I want to tell my youngest daughter that is different from what I taught my eldest daughter, is to find a way to take care of yourself. Not to have to depend on someone else, because this is the very "pickle" I find myself in now because if something happened, I do not make enough to support myself. This is sometimes a paradox, because children need a mother nearby, but mothers cannot always depend on the man to support her. I am telling my youngest daughter to do everything she can to get the best education possible, to explore ways to make money via the internet or work part-time, but to "keep her toe in" the working world so if her guy leaves her or dies, she is not penniless or dependent. For centuries women are always the ones to bear the burdens of poverty and need. As I face my retirement years, I find myself a little bit terrified of what lies ahead--our retirement savings are gone due to helping our daughter's family when they were under duress, my husband changed jobs and it didn't go well for over 5 years! Gone in a pouf--like sand through our fingers. Currently I am in a difficult job that I need so I can have health insurance, but I don't know how much longer I can do it! Hubby will NOT be happy about this.
    As I consider changes and difficulties in my life, I have begun to ask myself "What would I tell my own daughter to do in this situation? In "my" situation? WHY would I want less for myself than I would for my daughter? I am trying to summon the courage to leave the "secure job" and step out in faith on a new venture! I am going to make changes, though I know it will not be easy. We women need to stand together and support each other all around the world!

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  15. Stickhorsecowgirls: Wow...your comment is certainly food for thought! I have always encouraged my daughter to be independent too. I have always been independent myself, and to a certain extent I still am. I know that sounds a bit like a contradiction in terms of my current situation, but this is really due to lack of money. I spent my younger years being much more financially sound, I always had what I wanted as far as material things were concerned. The problem was that it never made me happy. Moving here nearly 13 years ago was a huge risk and I knew my financial situation would change. I've had to adapt. Although my present situation leaves me "waiting" to be a little more secure, even if that doesn't happen, I can honestly say that I'm glad I did take that risk. We only have one life, and we should never live with regrets or "what ifs".

    I do agree with your view that women around the world should support each other...absolutely!

    Thanks for taking the time to's appreciated xx


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