Tuesday, 25 January 2011

Just Be Yourself

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.-- Dr. Seuss

It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not.-- Andre Gide

Be what you are. This is the first step toward becoming better than you are.-- Julius Charles Hare

It is the chiefest point of happiness that a man is willing to be what he is.-- Desiderius Erasmus
          

    
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For the past few days we've had storms and an awful lot of rain. And I've spent most of the time in bed. Why? For no other reason than I wanted to.
It got me thinking about how I've spent my life trying to be all things to all people.   Don't we all do this sometimes?    We try to be what others expect us to be, rather than just being ourselves.  We pretend sometimes to know more than we do,because we don't want to be judged.

How many times do you do something that you really don't want to do, simply because someone asks you to?   We worry too much about what others think of us.  If we say no, we feel guilty, so we will put ourselves in difficult or uncomfortable situations because we don't want to appear selfish or unreasonable.

I seem to have reached a point in my life where I can actually please myself.  Not all the time...because I still have this in-built desire to please others...but I can just be myself without having to justify it.

 Having had two previous marriages where I felt like I was constantly apologising for being me, it's a relief to be married now to someone who doesn't judge me or expect me to be anything other than myself.  Who doesn't, for example, expect a meal on the table and will just accept my saying I can't be bothered to cook today. 

It is refreshing to live in a country where people do generally accept you for what you are.  There's very little pretense. What you see is what you get.  When you try to conform and fit into some societal standards, you are possibly abandoning part of the real you.

Life would be so much easier if we could all just be ourselves wouldn't it?

14 comments:

  1. I love to curl up with a book in bed on a cold, rainy day... enjoy!

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  2. You couldn't have written that at a more appropriate time for me.
    I need to say no to something but then I will feel so guilty.
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

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  3. Dear Ayak, the simplest things are the most difficult to achieve... like for example that extraordinarily delicate balance between our needs and other people's needs. I still have a lot to learn, and such a long way to go, but I'm starting to understand one thing: so often, it's now WHAT we say, but HOW we say it.
    Having said that, spending a day in bed without feeling guilty is... pure bliss! Enjoy!

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  4. Oh Linda...a few years ago I took a stance. People would say "I have a favor to ask"..and I would immediately aggree even before they asked me to do something. I quit. I was so angry with myself all the time for doing something just because I was asked. Now I say 'let's hear it and I'll let you know."
    I never feel bad about telling them no. It's easier then hating myself later. I still have problems with turning down people that ask for money. I feel bad about doing that....(don't give out my address..lolol)
    I spent yesterday doing nothing..and today was much like yesterday..and I'm learning that it's ok to do nothing! I'm lovin it....

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  5. Carolyn: Me too..great isn't it?

    Maggie: Don't allow yourself to feel guilty. If the person you are saying no to doesn't take it well, then it's their problem (But I know exactly what you mean!)

    Astro: Yes how we say things is most important. I can't imagine you finding the time with your brood to indulge yourself in a day in bed! Nice to hear from you again xxx

    Charlotte Ann: Snap! Why do you think I've ended up with nothing!

    After a busy life (yours and mine) it's now time to do nothing just for the sheer enjoyment of doing nothing!

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  6. I'm still struggling with this one. OH is a busy person, always on the go. I am an idle person, in the winter happy to sit by the fire and knit and watch reruns of Grays Anatomy. He is a nice man and tries very hard to understand but doesn't get it and I can't bear the look.....

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  7. You are quite right, people do put on those who have difficulty in saying 'no'. I have experienced it myself. Fortunately, as I matured and gained confidence, this changed and I did say no.

    A strange thing then happend. When I did something for someone without being asked, or offered my help because they were struggling with work or whatever, I found that they appreciated what I had done for them far more than when I was a 'yes man'.

    The look on the faces of people who discovered that I had completed a task for them that they were struggling with was very rewarding and gave me great pleasure.

    Try it. It worked for me.

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  8. Rosie: Ah yes...the look! I don't have the answer to this one, but I know what you mean. It's what made me feel guilty or selfish for years.

    Jack: You are absolutely right. I have tried this from time to time and it really does work. I don't know if it becomes easier to say no as we get older..it certainly seems that way to me.

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  9. I used to put myself out to help people, but no longer.
    I'll help if I see a need, gladly, but I'm through with people offloading their problems on me and then not following the advice I can give.
    I know what Rosie mean about 'the look'...Mr. Fly was always active and resents not being able to be on the go all the time while I'm quite happy to ruminate given the chance.

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  10. Good post Ayak I know exactly what you mean. Im struggling to say no but Im much better than I was xx

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  11. Hope you’re still chilling out Ayak. Now’t wrong with a bit of ‘me’ time. Never feel guilty about ‘dropping the laundry’ and ‘punching the pillows’ for a while. You’ve more than earned the right. And to hell with the detractors. My Dad always said “Go your own way – be your own man – speak your own mind - and try occasionally to help those who cannot help themselves – and…always, always, look after your own.” I’m still practicing. The frequent duplicity of mankind and so called ‘friends’ too over the years, never ceases to challenge me. But I’m better ‘tempered’ to deal with it nowadays.

    Ps: Take a chuckle at this video short. My prescription to you this evening:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0ffwDYo00Q

    P.P.s – Don’t forget to turn the volume up loud!

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  12. Fly: It can make you reluctant to help or give advice if people don't heed it. It's a bit of a kick in the face really. There are always those who do appreciate it though.

    Bomb: I know you so well...you are a classic example of someone who should try to say no more often, and avoid being taken advantage of! xxx


    Phil: Wise words from your Dad. Yes I'm still chilling out today...being lazy...and not feeling guilty at all!

    Thanks for the video clip...love it!

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  13. I think what annoyed me was that I don't give advice unless I know what I'm talking about...and then people would go off and pay for advice from the expat 'helping hands', get into the inevitable expensive muddle and then come back to ask me what to do now!
    I think that they believe that if they pay for something it must be better than anything offered for nothing!

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  14. Oh yes Fly I certainly know what you mean there. I've experienced a few of these expat helping hands here over the years. I recall one in particular who was so believable that new ex-pats would rush to pay her for finding them houses...whilst she was ripping them off left, right and centre, when they could have had help from others for free. This woman made a lot of money and promptly left the country. And I remember warning some of them at the time, and listening to them whinge about her later.

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