Thursday, 31 March 2011

The Visit

After much speculation about when they were due, the in-laws arrived  Saturday lunchtime.

I always intend to take these visits in my stride, but it never quite works out like that.  I get very anxious and this anxiety continues until they leave.  To be honest it wasn't like that all the time.  There were a few fairly pleasant moments when the relationship between me and my in-laws felt normal.

Mr A wasn't able to come home to see them.  He is still waiting for the motorbike and for his salary which should be due any day now.  So as is often the case, it was my duty to entertain them.   On Mr A's advice I didn't get any more food shopping because the in-laws usually arrive with lots of food and it would be expected that I would eat meals with them.  I've learned from past experience anyway that FIL doesn't consider the food I buy to be of sufficient quality for them.  It would seem that my cooking is not up to his wife's standards, so it's rather a waste of my time to attempt to prepare meals for them.

However before they arrived I made another microwave cake which I have to say was absolutely improvement on the first one.  I made them coffee but FIL declined the offer of cake.  Maybe he thinks I'm trying to poison him.

As usual I had made up the beds in the spare room, but this time they stripped the beds and replaced with their own bedding that they had brought with them.  They brought some food but they left it in their large coolbox instead of transferring it to the fridge.  I had all the basics in the fridge and offered to cook for them but they declined.  Instead MIL picked some green stuff from the garden (don't ask me what..I don't know the name but it's similar to spinach) which she cooked with onions and served up with yogurt. It was actually much nicer than I thought it would be.   But for the rest of their stay, they ate nothing in the house.  They left their food in the coolbox in the car and presumably ate it while they were working on the land each day or they went elsewhere to eat.

I sat outside with them each evening and we did have some quite pleasant conversation, but there was a lot of criticism from FIL about most things.  For example, the reason why the apple trees didn't produce much fruit last year was down to how I watered them.  I had followed FIL's instructions but now it seems that I didn't do it correctly so I have now been taught how to do it properly.   There was much criticism of  and questions asked about Mr A...and daily phone calls from Mr A asking me what his father was saying about him.   I am well aware of Mr A's faults and don't need to be reminded of them.  And I absolutely hate being manipulated by both of them and being stuck in the middle.   I've had  other emotional issues going on this week too and all this has left me drained.

Mr A is not in the best of moods.   The guesthouse where he is staying is pretty dingy.  He's run out of clean clothes because there is nowhere to wash them and no time to do it.  But as soon as he has the motorbike and his salary he will come home, no doubt with a suitcase full of dirty washing for me...something to look forward to!

There was a lot of work to do on the land which would have taken the in-laws weeks to do, but on Sunday they hired a man and a rotavator which cut the work down considerably.  So  by yesterday afternoon they were finished and set off back home again.

So now it's just me and the dogs for the next few days.  It's going to rain today so I intend to stay in my pyjamas all day and do nothing.  Time to chill out and lose the anxiety.


  1. Oh dear, that sounds exhausting. One of the benefits of my divorce is I don't have to deal with my mother in law any more

  2. Ayak, it sounds like you deserve a medal for tolerance and forebearance! A pyjama day (or two) is just what you need.

    P.S. Yesterday Karen from Being Koy found she could comment on my blog, so perhaps you too may be able to comment at last. Worth trying?

  3. I look at it this way. You only have to put up with them occasionally. Poor Mr. A had to grow up with a father that was critical of everything he attempted..or just on a day to day basis. Now Mr. A. has my sympathies for having to live in that daily. Stand back and take a clinical view of them might be easier when they visit if you view them in that light.
    You're the best...most patient...and you manage well. Too bad they can't enjoy the people around them.

  4. You have the patience of a saint, and you will be no better thought of for it. I tried so hard with my parents in law and they haven't spoken to me since the day of my husband's funeral. Have a lovely chilled out day (it is very grey isn't it) and deep breath and get over it, it isn't you, it's them. K xxxxx

  5. You sound as if you thoroughly deserve a jammie day. Enjoy. Relax. Gather yourself. And yippee they went home early.

  6. People who don't share food...says a lot.
    Thank goodness they've can do with some peace and quiet before the bag of washing arrives.

  7. Have a lovely few stressles days til that bag of washing arrives lol xx

  8. LINDA!!!!! I'm back on!!!! I'll tell you how to do it on FB, OK?


  9. How very strange to bring your own bedding? My MIL brings her own food but that is only because I never do any shopping and she knows it! Sounds like you can take a deep breath now and relax.

  10. Changing the beds & replacing with their own bedding...... would have been the deciding point with me! I would leave them to it!
    You are too kind!
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

  11. You poor thing. They sound horriable. If it weren't that you were living on their land, I would tell them to go fly a kite. They are very rude. I would never dream of replacing the sheets or making my own food while a guest at my in-laws or even my own parents.

  12. Happy to hear you made it through the visit. And oh my, very good to hear that you didn't suffer any major damage in the storm. Still, I have to say, it's been so long since I've been in Turkey (over two years, but nearly six years since I visited in summer) that any item of news, even about odd weather, gets me feeling all nostalgic...

  13. How draining for you! I don't know how you do it - I'd have an absolute fit. I know that it's technically their house, but still! Bless you for your patience!

  14. If I had been you, I would have just told them that you watered the apples trees the way they do in merry old England. By the light of the full moon, you slip out in your nightie and "piddle" under each one. Tell that old "moruk" it makes the apples crisper!

  15. You certainly have a lot to put up with, that's for sure! That recipe your MIL cooked, does it use swiss chard stems? There's a recipe in my sidebar at the moment on the turkish cookbook blog, which uses chard stems, onions and spicey tomato paste, and which is served with yoghurt.


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