Sunday, 29 May 2011


My friend Gwen travelled over from Selçuk yesterday to stay for a few days. Poor woman got caught in the bad storms that we had yesterday and arrived looking like a drowned rat. I am still cooking on one tiny gas bottle and the microwave...great fun...not!

Update on Mr A: His job finished on Friday, but as expected he is being made to wait for his salary. For how long...who knows? Frustrating but totally expected. He can't return home until he's paid, so is just having to sit it out, and continuing to run up his hotel patience is beginning to wear a little thin.

Now for the "aaarrrghhh" bit:     My in-laws turned up this morning...clearly having driven through the night from Ankara.   No phone call.

I welcomed them of course...through gritted teeth...introduced them to Gwen and said she was from Selçuk and had come over to stay.  They then proceeded to take their bags into the spare room and put them there, even though Gwen was still using it.  Clearly claiming their territory.

Naturally Gwen felt uncomfortable and told me she would pack her things and go back to Selçuk.  And obviously I felt upset and uncomfortable about this too.  But if I had been her I would probably have done the same thing.  So I gave her breakfast and she set off.  She said "nice to have met you" and "goodbye" to the in-laws and FIL said to me "I hope your friend isn't leaving because we're here"....aaargh!

Is it me?  I know there is a cultural difference.  I know it's perfectly acceptable for Turkish families to turn up whenever they want to.  But isn't it bloody rude not to phone ahead?  Isn't it even more bloody rude to move your belongings into a bedroom still being used by another guest? 

FIL had already phoned me last week to say they would be coming here in June or why would they decide to turn up today without warning?  I phoned Mr A thinking maybe he knew they were coming but had forgotten to tell me...but he was under the same impression as me...that they were due June or July.  He can't actually understand why I'm upset about it...but then again they are his parents...and if this behaviour is not considered to be rude in Turkey, then what else can I say?

I walked down to the village bus stop with Gwen...even though I am upset, she is absolutely fine about it.  She can see for herself what I have to put up with.

Returning to the house, not only have they claimed the bedroom,  but MIL is now asleep on the sofa in the sitting room.  I have now taken up residence in our bedroom along with the dogs (I can't leave them to have the run of the house and garden because the in-laws find them a nuisance).

Maybe I'm making a fuss over nothing?


  1. Thats ridiculous of inlaws and in fact its bloody rude ... what if Gwen had flown over fromthe UK. Its your house you live in it and if they dont like it then they shouldnt have let Mr A have it. Im cross for you grrrrr xx oops and sorry bout Mr A's job xx

  2. No, I don't think you are making a bigger deal out of nothing. I know your situation is different, but I would have said I am sorry I wasn't expecting you and I have a guest staying here. You will need to go stay at a hotel. While they expect you to understand their culture they should try to understand yours and I don't think they are being considerate of you.

  3. No you aren't making a fuss about nothing. By English standards it was very rude. Especially to claim the spare bedroom when your friend was staying in it.
    I wouldn't cope anywhere near as well as you do.
    As for Mr A not getting paid...... I am appalled. I would do a *sit in* & refuse to pay for the extra hotel bill until I saw the money in my hand. Let the ex employer pay.
    Is there no legal person you could go to?
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

  4. I think it's universal....that call to let someone know you want to visit....what IF you were out of town for that time? Cultural differences is not a good enough excuse for being RUDE. Rude is any country! Respect..another universal state and apparently these people lack the basic social graces or are doing this to you on purpose. you have much more patience then I!!

  5. I reckon FIL was half hoping you wouldn't be there...

  6. Aww, you have my sympathies! I wonder what made them up and arrive suddenly like that?

  7. Dear Linda, it really makes me sad to read about what you are going through. You must be feeling awful especially as you have just come back from the UK. Oh dear. Your inlaws seem to have their own way of doing things but it is just not on. This is not the Turkish way as I know it. And what with the stress of Mr's situation, I really feel for you.
    Courage, my friend!

  8. What a pity Gwen did not stay. She could have slept on the couch and this would have surley made them feel bad and maybe they would phone ahead the next time.....also while you would be chatting as friends do, they would see that you had a life! Maybe when they see how you are having to manage with no gas and no money, they might just go home??
    Tell Mr. A, to talk to the Jandarma, he is entitled to his wages on the day he finishes his work! Cowards such as that manager always step on gentle people....a bit of speaking up for onself and knowing ones rights can make you stronger! Tell him to think of "Ataturk" and go forward with NO fear!

  9. On the bright side he might get a gas bottle. Feeling for you xxx

  10. I think if I had been you, I might have just hoped on the bus with her. :)
    Well, you and I know there are a lot of ways to make a person less than welcome. Like playing music all night. Or serving inedible food. Hundreds of ways in fact, but you'll have to be creative.

    My grandmother could be quite annoying and whenever my parents stayed at her home, she would wake up about an hour before the roosters and turn on the radio full blast. After the coffee was made she would burst in the bedroom and shout, "Rise and Shine!" She would tell us all we had to get out of bed so she could make them up! And if we dared to roll over with a groan, she would come in ever half hour and ask us if we were planning to sleep all day. It didn't take too much of that treatment before my parent bought a family sized tent and spent the next vacation at a nearby lake, camping.
    There now, I hope I've given you some ideas.

  11. Bomb: Thanks...I'm cross for me too x

    likeschocolate: FIL will always have control while his name is still on the deeds.

    Maggie: Thanks. If I was there with him I'd probably have pushed him into taking more action.

    Charlotte: Yes it is rude and I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks so.

    Fly: I think that's very likely.

    Deniz. catch me unawares most likely.

    Claudia: Courage is certainly what I need at the moment!

    Noreen; I had already suggested the jandarma. It's diffcult for me to push him when I'm not there.

    Kelloggsville: Ha...very unlikely. They are heating up water for their tea in my microwave!

    Nomad: Great ideas there. To be honest if it hadn't been for the dogs I would have got on the bus with her.

    Thanks really helps to have your sympathy and support xxx

  12. You and I know this isn't normal Turkish behaviour, this is just bloody rude. Guests are treated far better than this normally and Gwen is a guest. You have the patience of a saint.

    So sorry Mr A's job is ending, and there are rules about how and when he should be paid and how his employment is terminated, most employers don't know the rules themselves and think they can just fire people.

    If in laws are still there a few eyedrops in the cay may make them go away :-) xxxx

  13. Karen: Of course it's bloody rude. They obviously don't like me...but they don't seem to like Mr A much either although he is mostly unaware of it.
    He was paid today thank goodness as you will see in the post I've just done.
    Ooh what do eye drops do to çay? Not that I'd get a chance because they refuse my offers of tea and mae their own!

  14. Argggggh seems extraordinarily mild in the circumstances, Ayak. What appalling behaviour, both on the part of Mr A's former employer and of your parents-in-law. It's so unfair that you have to put up with this kind of unfeeling rudeness.


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