Sunday, 15 January 2012

Just a flying visit....

....thank goodness.  FIL is only staying for one night.  He'll be gone in the morning.

Mr A phoned me from down on the land, where he spent the day helping his father.   He sounded anxious. He knows I'm not happy about the way his father spoke to me the last time he was here.  He was very nasty.  Of course Mr A didn't witness it because FIL only does it when Mr A isn't around.

I don't want Mr A to feel uncomfortable, or stuck in the middle, so I told him that I had prepared food.  I had made soup, börek, salad,cake and shortbread, and had left it all on the kitchen table, but that I was going to bed.  I said he could tell his father I wasn't well.  It's not actually a lie.  Winter plays havoc with my arthritis and osteoporosis, and I do get some relief by getting into bed with the electric blanket on.  "But you will come and say hello to him won't you? asked Mr A.    I said I would think about it.

I made up the second bed in the spare room.  As I mentioned recently, Mr A has been sleeping in there with the soba burning.  He loves the intense heat..but I can't stand it, so I've been sleeping in our bedroom.  So he and his FIL could share for one night.

Mr A arrived back at the house shortly before FIL and lit the soba.  Mr A told me that when FIL arrived at the house he offered him food.  FIL refused.  I knew he would.  He always does, but it's usually me doing the offering and he appears to take great pleasure in refusing. 

I could hear them outside in the garden so I forced myself to go out.   I said "Hello, how are you?".  He didn't look at me, but grunted "Fine".  There was a pause and he added "How are you?" through gritted teeth.  "I'm OK thanks although my arthritis is playing up so I'm keeping warm in bed".
"Everyone has arthritis"  replied FIL.   Oh, OK, well there's really no answer to that is there?

Mr A, who at this time was facing me, with his back to FIL, silently mouthed "Thankyou".

I returned to the comfort of my bed.   FIL went to bed at 7.30pm.  Mr A was not best pleased.  He likes to stay up late with his laptop in the spare room, with the hot soba, on which he brews up endless pots of tea.  No chance.  FIL settled himself in the warm room and switched off the light.

Mr A finally came to bed in our bedroom, but has kept me awake until now, complaining about how cold it is in here.  So he has now moved on to the sofabed in the sitting room, with several blankets and has the aircon heater blowing full blast.

Mr A is fast is are the dogs, curled up on my bed.   I am the only one wide awake at 2.40am, wondering why FIL decided to turn up unexpectedly without warning.  We still have no idea why.

He'll be leaving early in the morning.  I won't be getting up to wave him off or wish him a safe journey.


  1. You're a better person than I am, Ayak. I'd leave the horrible old so-and-so to go hungry if I were in your shoes. Grrr!!

  2. It's a shame that this man creates such unpleasantness around him. He is in a minority, fortunately, and he will go away. Hopefully very soon!
    And the weather will also improve - we are heading towards warm again slowly but surely.

    Warm hugs. Axxx

  3. So sorry Ayak that you have to go through this with your nasty FIL. You sure are better hearted then me....I would totally probably not come out of my room and never mind cooking anything for him.
    I think that man (not nice to say) needs a good 'laxative'......maybe it will soften his attitude.
    I just think he's probably just miserable to everyone around him.

    Hope all goes well for you and I hope he disappears as fast as he came.Take care xxxx.

  4. Perpetua. It was fortunate that Mr A was here this time.I'm not sure Mr A believed that FIL always refused food. Now he knows. If he comes again I won't even offer.

    Annie: He certainly isn't typical Turk, that's for sure.
    It ıs starting to feel slightly warmer..Spring is just around the corner!

  5. Erica..He left this morning..and I didn't get up until after he had gone. I refuse to waste any more time on him. He doesn't like me. I don't like him...that's life!

  6. And even it everyone did have it ( which they don't) that doesn't mean it's any less bloody painful. What a vile crock of a man.

  7. Yes he is vile Kelloggsville. I'm just glad Mr A was around to witness his behaviour this time. FIL is slipping..he usually puts on his "nice" act in front of his son.

  8. I had a MIL similar to your FIL, only very very vocal! I was an interloper who took her son away from her. When I divorced him, I divorced her too (in my mind)!

    I've finished reading "Perking the Pansies"...interesting to have Jack's take on the expats in Turkey! And to actually learn a little about the people of Turkey! I'm looking forward to his next book! Thanks for sharing the info. about Jack, his blog and the book!

  9. Hi Theanne. MILs are often worse. My MIL is lovely. I don't know how she tolerates FIL, but then Turkish women put up with more than we do.
    Glad you enjoyed Jack's book. I'm also looking forward to the next one.

  10. I just wish I had your patience and tolerance. Unfortunately I am hot tempered and your FIL would have me hurling nasty comments and refusing to let him under my roof. You are a good kind soul..and you should be appreciated more!

  11. Hi Charlotte Ann. I'm not really so patient. I honestly don't know how I've managed to stop myself hurling abuse. I guess it's because I know if I do, it will cause problems for Mr A. It seems to me that Turkish families can be quite complex. I think I'm doing the right thing by keeping out of it as much as I can..Although I'm not sure how long I can keep it up!

  12. FIL is a very controlling man and you are a better person than me by far because I would have got very irate with him.
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

  13. ((((((((((Linda))))))))

    I give you top marks for not blowing your top. I hate unexpected visits and also if someone comes to my house, I don't expect them to be rude and ignore me.

  14. Thanks for the hugs Nat. Trust me..being ignored by FIL is preferable to him talking to me! xx


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