Friday, 11 May 2012

Depression and Dreams

I've talked about my depression in past blog posts.  I'm going through depression at the moment.  I don't worry about it too much.  I'm used to it.  I know all the signs and the triggers.  I go with it.  Fighting it is counter-productive.  If I want to crawl back into bed, I do.  Getting anxious and trying to "snap out of it" or "pull myself together", as those who haven't experienced depression will often suggest, isn't an option.

Something I have noticed during these bouts is how strange and vivid my dreams are.  I put this down to the fact that, as I understand it, dreaming happens when you are not in a deep sleep, and because I find sleep difficult at such times, I nap when I feel like it.  It's then that I dream the most.

I napped this morning, as a result of being wide awake at around 3am.   In my dream, my blogging friend, Fly in the Web, (who I have never met), pulled up outside my house in her car.  This of course is highly unlikely as she lives in Costa Rica.  She produced some bedding plants for me from the boot, and I invited her in for a coffee.

This is when my dream gets frustrating. I send Fly out to sit in the garden  while I make coffee.  My house suddenly changes into one I don't recognise.  I can't find the coffee, and after searching and finding it, I can't get the coffee machine to work.  When I do, I make a complete mess of it.  All this is taking so much time to do.   There are also a lot of people wandering about in this strange house.  I don't know any of them.

When I eventually produce coffee and take it out into the garden, there is a table but no chairs, and Fly isn't there.  She is in fact at the bottom of the garden, taking part in a yoga group!  I told you this dream was strange!  Finally we both go into the house.  I tell all the strangers to leave and Fly and I sit down to chat.   Then I woke up.

I have two recurring dreams.  One where I am trying to get to a certain place and there are just so many obstacles in my path that it's impossible to get there.  I've heard others talk about this kind of dream.  I think it's a fairly common one.

One that is particularly disturbing for me, is when I dream about my son, who has been estranged from me since I moved to Turkey almost 14 years ago.  In my dreams everything is OK.  We have normal contact, and he comes to visit me here.  This dream is so real, so believable, that when I wake up, for a moment I actually think it's true.  It makes me incredibly sad to later realise that it's not.

I know there are books and probably websites that analyse dreams, but I've never been tempted to look at them.  I'm not sure I really want to know what they mean.

18 comments:

  1. "Dreams are the trash -can of the brian" Can't remember who said this but I don't believe in analysing dreams.

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    1. B toB. I was just wondering who's this "brian" when I realised you meant "brain" :-))
      I tend to agree with you. I'm not sure how anyone can analyse them, and I don't want to know what people think they mean.

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  2. I'm sure the anxiety you are feeling about FIL is not helping things Ayak. The dream with Fly is fascinating, and maybe it is a sign that you know you have blogging friends who can appear to help from time to time, whether in blogsphere or real life. Take care. J.

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    1. Thanks Janice. I think it probably is all due to anxiety.

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  3. I do sympathise and share some part of what you feel, Ayak. I go down myself from time to time and I have my own ways of dealing with it. I too have incredibly vivid dreams but haven't thought of connecting the two - I'm not sure but will bear that in mind for the future.
    I think it would be lovely to meet up with some of our favourite bloggers - Perpetua is going to come and see us all, did you realise? I am sure it was the excitement of the occasion that made things seem strange and out of place.
    As for dreaming about your son and being happy and together, that is so understandable. Just a shame it's not reality but you don't know he's not dreaming something similar. Maybe one day?

    Here's wishing you happy dreams and a lifting of the cloud.
    Axx

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    1. Thanks Annie. I think we have so much going on in our heads when we're awake, it's inevitable that it all gets jumbled up when we're asleep.

      Perpetua has made a good start with meeting her blogging friends. I too have met a few of mine which has been lovely.

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  4. Ayak....so sorry to hear about your feelings and emotions. I understand you, I get into those ruts also.....hope you can snap out of it faster then it came. (((HUGS))).
    My family were big "dream interpreters" and had all sorts of books. Soon as they got up they ran for the DreamBook. :-). I looked up 'coffee' and it said this....

    "To dream that you are drinking or need your coffee suggests that you need to gain some insight and knowledge before making a decision or tackling some project/relationship. You may be acting too hasty and need to slow down. Alternatively, it may imply a need for you to change your routine."
    Just my 2 cents....geçmiş olsun.

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    1. Thanks Erica. Oh I think I would have found it quite scary to have a family of dream interpreters. I might well have refused to go to sleep! xxx

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  5. Dreams are so weird I have had one for years and its always about stabbing, would love to have that analysed hehehe. Hope u feel a little better soon xx

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    1. Oh annie, a recurring stabbing dream doesn't sound good. Don't have it analysed!!!

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  6. Oh dear....appearing with a car (though amphibious cars have always fascinated me as have hovercraft) I can sort of recognise...but YOGA!
    Though I'd love to come and see you!

    I'm sorry your dream about your son is unfulfilled...do you think it comes to mind given Mr. A's recent loss?

    I dream when I nap rather than when I sleep properly too, but nothing recurrent.

    The only recurrent dream I have ever had is when I was small when my nightmare was a lump of toasted cheese (rather like Mr. Cube in shape) with stringy cheesy legs climbing over the footboard of the bed and advancing up the blanket.
    Goodness only knows what that was about!

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    1. The yoga bit was weird Fly. Where does this stuff come from?

      I don't like the sound of that Mr Cheesy Cube nightmare..terrifying :-))

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  7. Whoops! My Brian isn't working very well today. Also suffering from lack of sleep. Must be something in the air.

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  8. I get anxiety dreams at times, Ayak, such as turning up at church to take a service minus robes and notes and everything else I need - and that's 5 years after I retired!

    I think the dream about you and Fly is rather sweet, but I am sorry that you can only meet your son in your dreams as yet. Perhaps one day....

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    1. Well I always live in hope of that happening one day Perpetua. Never give up is my motto.

      I think these dreams are all about anxiety. There's a lot going on in my head and my life at the moment so I think it's to be expected. I'm sure Fly turned up in my dream because she's such a lovely person who always finds the right thing to say xx

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  9. Dreams are fascinating & I think give some idea of what is going on in our deep subconscious.
    I find those dreams with lots of obstacles are caused by frustrations.I do get them from time to time, usually concerning my children/grandchildren, when I am trying to get to them in an emergency and they seem to be drifting further & further away.
    I would cling on to your dream about your son. You never know if it will come true. I really hope so.
    Hoping your depression will leave soon.
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

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    1. Thanks Maggie.

      I hate the dreams with lots of obstacles, and I'm sure you're right about it being to do with frustrations.

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