I always thought I was in control over most aspects of my life. Gradually I seem to have lost it. I think it's probably happened slowly over time, but it has hit me in the past few days.
Beki is so poorly. She was taken to the Aydin vets by the Kusadasi vet yesterday and had scans and other procedures carried out. She was examined by 3 vets there and they all established that her kidneys are in a bad way, she still has infection in her body, and she can't walk. She is also in pain.
I had such a battle over the phone with Mr A yesterday...all day. I couldn't make him understand that it was best to let her go. His beliefs prevent him from accepting this. Eventually, after hours of pleading, he told me to ring the Kusadasi vet and tell him to euthanise Beki. He couldn't phone himself..he couldn't make that decision.
I phoned and asked for a complete explanation about Beki's current condition and then I said I wanted her to be put to sleep. He refused to do it. He said you must discuss this with your husband and if he agrees you must find someone else to do it. I explained this to Mr A. He said to ring the vet back. I tried...again and again and he didn't answer.
Finally Mr A phoned him, and the vet said that no-one there would euthanise. So Mr A phoned Mehmet the vet in Milas and he agreed to make the 2 hour journey over to Kusadasi to collect Beki and put her to sleep. He was due to arrive there at 7.30pm. By 8.45pm, having heard nothing, I phoned Mr A who said Mehmet was delayed but was on his way.
Half an hour later Mr A phoned me to say that he and the Kusadasi vet had decided to start Beki on some tablets and they would give it 4 days to work. I was distraught but not completely surprised. I just had a feeling this might happen. So they continue to let her suffer and I have no control over any of it.
This may seem trivial in comparison to what is happening with Beki, but because Mr A is away he has instructed me to water the garden. He has planted so much stuff, and it takes hours to water everything. It can only be done at night or very early in the morning. I have been doing it but I have been bitten unmercifully all over my body by mosquitoes and other insects and some of these bites are becoming infected. When Mr A was here on Tuesday night he had a word with our neighbour Dursune. Knowing that she never has any money, he said that he would pay her to water the garden every couple of days, because I couldn't do it. She happily agreed.
This morning Dursune woke me up at 5.30am, shouting loudly outside my gate. Telling me I have to water the garden as the water will be cut tonight. I wasn't even awake properly so I grabbed a coffee and went outside to sit and get myself together. Dursune just continued to go on and on at me to water the garden. I didn't manage to sit down, or drink my coffee. The only way I could shut her up was to switch on the hosepipe. Now an hour and a half later, I am in the house putting on cream to soothe my bites....loads more fresh bites to go with the infected ones.
This is when it occurred to me that everyone else seems to have taken over control of my life. I am so frustrated, but I am too tired and upset about Beki to fight back. I just don't have the energy to do it.