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Thursday, 21 June 2012

Control

I always thought I was in control over most aspects of my life.  Gradually I seem to have lost it.  I think it's probably happened slowly over time, but it has hit me in the past few days.

Beki is so poorly.  She was taken to the Aydin vets by the Kusadasi vet yesterday and had scans and other procedures carried out.  She was examined by 3 vets there and they all established that her kidneys are in a bad way, she still has infection in her body, and she can't walk.  She is also in pain.

I had such a battle over the phone with Mr A yesterday...all day.  I couldn't make him understand that it was best to let her go.  His beliefs prevent him from accepting this.  Eventually, after hours of pleading, he told me to ring the Kusadasi vet and tell him to euthanise Beki.  He couldn't phone himself..he couldn't make that decision.

I phoned and asked for a complete explanation about Beki's current condition and then I said I wanted her to be put to sleep.  He refused to do it.  He said you must discuss this with your husband and if he agrees you must find someone else to do it.  I explained this to Mr A.  He said to ring the vet back.  I tried...again and again and he didn't answer.

Finally Mr A phoned him, and the vet said that no-one there would euthanise.  So Mr A phoned Mehmet the vet in Milas and he agreed to make the 2 hour journey over to Kusadasi to collect Beki and put her to sleep.  He was due to arrive there at 7.30pm.  By 8.45pm, having heard nothing, I phoned Mr A who said Mehmet was delayed but was on his way.

Half an hour later Mr A phoned me to say that he and the Kusadasi vet had decided to start Beki on some tablets and they would give it 4 days to work.  I was distraught but not completely surprised.  I just had a feeling this might happen.  So they continue to let her suffer and I have no control over any of it.

This may seem trivial in comparison to what is happening with Beki, but because Mr A is away he has instructed me to water the garden.  He has planted so much stuff, and it takes hours to water everything.  It can only be done at night or very early in the morning.  I have been doing it but I have been bitten unmercifully all over my body by mosquitoes and other insects and some of these bites are becoming infected.  When Mr A was here on Tuesday night he had a word with our neighbour Dursune.  Knowing that she never has any money, he said that he would pay her to water the garden every couple of days, because I couldn't do it.  She happily agreed.
 
This morning Dursune woke me up at 5.30am, shouting loudly outside my gate.  Telling me I have to water the garden as the water will be cut tonight.  I wasn't even awake properly so I grabbed a coffee and went outside to sit and get myself together. Dursune just continued to go on and on at me to water the garden.  I didn't manage to sit down, or drink my coffee.  The only way I could shut her up was to switch on the hosepipe.  Now an hour and a half later, I am in the house putting on cream to soothe my bites....loads more fresh bites to go with the infected ones.

This is when it occurred to me that everyone else seems to have taken over control of my life.  I am so frustrated, but I am too tired and upset about Beki to fight back.  I just don't have the energy to do it.

20 comments:

  1. Ayak...... I am so unhappy about the way you are being treated. I know you are in a different culture and everything but you are swamped with grief at present and the garden will have to be second to the other things.
    I'm hoping that you will get little Beki put down and that you will be allowed to get over all this very soon.
    This certainly seems to be the downside of Turkey.
    I wonder why it isn't the done thing to alleviate a dogs suffering but its fine to cut the throat of a sheep and watch while it bleeds to death and what about chickens? Surely they get slaughtered for eating.
    I really cannot understand this.
    ((Hugs)) Maggie X

    Nuts in May

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    1. It is difficult to understand isn't it Maggie? I don't get it either.

      I spoke to the vet this morning and the use of the tablets seems to have produced an improvement. Who knows? Maybe I'm the one who's wrong. Time will tell.

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  2. Once Beki is sorted (for better or worse) there will be more clarity in te rest of your life. In the meantime ride the wave, just let it happen. Garden, bites, Turkish men, everything. It will pass xxxx

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    1. I hope so KV. Good advice....thankyou xx

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  3. I'm sure KV is right....all must seem impossible to face while you are so upset about Beki. Once her situation is resolved....still hoping for that miracle, but also hoping that if it is not to be, that common sense prevails, then I expect other things will look different. Or, you will have more strength and clarity of vision to deal with them, as you have done in the past.You are incredibly brave and very strong, so hang on in there, with lots of love and good wishes from me....and everyone else who has got to know you through your posts. J.xxx

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    1. Janice thankyou. I'm sure you're right. It's just hard to see anything clearly at the moment.

      I've spoken to the vet again. He says there is a slight improvement. I've just had to send him money to buy more medication. I really hope this is going to work.

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  4. ...so sorry about what is going on at this point in your life. What more could I say I think everyone here has said it.
    I'll keep Beki and you in my thoughts....(((HUGS)))

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    1. Thanks Erica.In a way I don't expect to keep getting comments on these posts about Beki. Although I am so grateful for them. I just find it kind of therapeutic to offload all this on my blog. It helps.

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  5. It's bitter when no one listens to you in something important.
    Thinking of you both.

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    1. Thankyou Fly. I know you are and you have really helped me.

      Maybe I've been wrong. I heard a couple of hours ago that Beki is standing up and seems to be improving. Maybe their faith is stronger than mine. I really hope so.

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  6. hugs to you across the many miles!

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  7. Sorry I've not been around much and sorry to hear that you are going through this! I know how much Beki means to you and it must be awful watching her suffer. Things will come to a head one way or another and then once you have dealt with the outcome of that you will have the strength to deal with everything else. *hugs*

    C x

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    1. Thankyou Carol. And no need to apologise. I haven't been reading other blogs for days now. I'll be glad when I can get back to some kind of normality.

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  8. Hi, I've been reading your blog for a while but this is the first time I've commented.
    Hmmm, call me cynical but I'm a tad suspicious about how quickly this new course of tablets are working. And you had to send money for more... I really hope Beki either gets better fast or is allowed release from his pain. I have three dogs and I live in Turkey too, so Beki's story is really getting to me. I feel so sorry for both you and him.
    And as for Dursune, grrr!!

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    1. Hi Lilli and welcome. Oh don't think for one minute that these thoughts haven't crossed my mind. I have already paid 200 lira for the trip to Aydin vets, and today 250 lira, but that's for all the medication she has had at the Kusadasi vet since Sunday, plus the tablets today. The vet's fees are yet to come. It's hard not to be a little cynical when you have lived here for some time...particularly if you are a foreigner. However, I try to have faith in the Turkish people because I know that, just as in any country, the bad minority give the good majority a bad name. I'm not sure I totally believe that Beki is getting a miracle cure, but I want to do what I can for her, hoping for the best but being realistic and prepared for the worst.

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  9. Hope things improve soon. Sorry you're going through all this. I know the feeling when you feel as if everything is slipping away and nothing you do can grasp it back.

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    1. Thanks BtoB. Yes it's not a good feeling. But I am working on it and trying to find ways of regaining some control. xxx

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