Thursday, 28 June 2012

Discovering the truth and rebuilding trust.

It's all too easy when you are in the middle of a traumatic event in your life, to want to hit out and blame someone.
I did this recently with what was happening to Beki.  I blamed Mehmet the vet, I blamed Mr A, the Kusadasi vet, the Aydin vets.  In some respects, they were each a little to blame for what was going on.  Together these Turkish men took away any control this foreign, non-muslim woman thought she had.

But such is the way of things in this culture.

I spoke badly about Mehmet the vet.  I realise now that I should have stuck with my first instincts about him, that he is a good vet and he does care a great deal  for animals.    I decided to phone him on Tuesday and spent 45 minutes on the phone.  I actually managed to discover the truth.  After he performed Beki's hysterectomy, Mr A took over all communication with him.  Mehmet assumed that Mr A was discussing everything with me.  He wasn't.  Mehmet had told him immediately post-op that Beki's chances were not good.  I didn't know this.  Mr A had told him to keep trying anything to save her.  He did.

When Mehmet came to the house two weeks ago and took Beki into his clinic, it was because Mr A had asked him to keep her there for as long as it took to make her well.  He knew he was fighting a lost cause but he just did as he was told.  He did his best.

I told Mehmet I was angry about the Sunday that Mr A went to collect Beki, only to find her outside without water in searing heat.  Mehmet was also angry about this and very apologetic.  He had been operating all day in another clinic and had left specific instructions for Beki's care with a boy who works for him.  This was ignored.  Mehmet has sacked the boy for his negligence.

Mehmet thought Mr A was only taking Beki to the Kusadasi vet for a second opinion.  When he discovered that the vet was to operate on Beki the following day, he phoned and advised against it because of her weakened state.  The Kusadasi vet went ahead.  The following day she was taken to the Aydin vet hospital for more tests which were unnecessary and unfair on Beki.

I asked the Kusadasi vet to euthanise Beki.  He refused.  Mr A agreed with him.  Later that day Mr A finally agreed with me, and asked Mehmet to drive from Milas to do it.  Mehmet agreed, but just as he was about to leave to make the 2 hour journey, Mr A phoned to put him off, because they (he and the Kusadasi vet) had decided to try further treatment.

In my conversation with Mehmet on the phone this week I told him that Beki was euthanised on Friday.  He asked who had carried it out and when I replied that it was the Kusadasi vet, who originally refused, but finally gave in because Beki was screaming, Mehmet was horrified.

OK.  I'm going over all this again because I need to get things clear in my mind. I now understand that Mehmet was very much on my side, but because Mr A took over, Mehmet assumed I was being kept informed by Mr A and that I agreed with him.

I have a problem now with Poppy.  It's something that has happened a couple of times since she was spayed last October.  She has sleep incontinence.  It's happened  more in the past couple of weeks, and being reluctant to have anything to do with vets here, I searched the internet for solutions. It's quite common in bitches who have been spayed but it can be managed.

I mentioned the problem to Mehmet, and he actually came up with the same solutions that I found on the internet, so at least he knows what he's talking about.  He has done some more research today. He phoned me to say that I could collect a prescription for Poppy which I have done and she is on medication for two weeks to see if it helps.  If not we will try something else.  I collect all medications from one particular eczane (chemist) in Milas these days.  The chemist there is excellent.  He speaks English, and he questions everything before dishing out drugs.  In fact he phoned Mehmet whilst I was there to discuss the medication being prescribed, and to make sure the dosage was correct.

I haven't discussed mine and Mehmet's conversation with Mr A, and I have no intention of doing so.  There's no point in recriminations.  Mr A did what he thought was best for all the right reasons, and I'm sure he knows now that he was wrong and I was right.  I don't see any point in rubbing his nose in it.

But from now on I will take full responsibility and make all decisions concerning Poppy's health.  I will use Mehmet, because I feel he can be trusted.  He is a good vet and the only problem he has is that he has taken on far too much work, and clearly he needs to address this.  I told him this is what I felt.  He said he appreciated my honesty and he agrees he has to do something about it.  I have also offered to pop in from time to time and help on a voluntary basis, even if only to tidy up and water and feed his patients. 

Now that the dust has settled and I've calmed down, I can't go on being bitter and angry.  It's time to move on and start to re-build trust.

20 comments:

  1. You did just the right thing in going straight to Mehmet once you were able to cope with doing so, but it must have taken a lot of courage to talk about the horrific train of events.

    If you can give him a hand, he'll have someone he can trust not only to help him but to give him some straight talk too.

    You've a big heart!

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    1. Fly, it took me a while to pluck up the courage to ring him and I wanted to make sure I didn't burst into tears...actually I did, but he was very understanding, which only helped even more in trusting him xx

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  2. You really are an amazing woman Ayak. To have gone through all the trauma you have been through in the last couple of weeks, but be able to clarify what happened, and to offer your services to Mehmet, and to have such a good and clear understanding and tolerance for Mr A's perspective.....just truly amazing.I am sorry it has been so awful, but glad that you have had your faith in Mehmet restored. Presumably, there isn't much time now before your daughter arrives, so I hope you have a wonderful time, and can at last put it behind you.

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  3. You've been through the ringer several times over. I'm glad you've found that your original trust wasn't misplaced.

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    1. I'm glad too BtoB. I think most people deserve another chance. xx

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  4. Janice I don't think I'm amazing. I just think it takes a bit of time to see things clearly and put it all into perspective. It's too easy to bear grudges or end up bitter and twisted, and I've done that many times. Perhaps I'm mellowing in my old age! xx

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  5. I too am very glad to hear that Mehmet, who had seemed so trustworthy to you the first time, was indeed worthy of your trust. It must help you too to have your instincts confirmed. I hope the experience of talking to him has proved cathartic for you - just need to keep hold of that control now, whilst knowing that Mr A has your feelings at heart, even if he doesn't quite understand how that heart is working at times. Hope Poppy has a swift and troublefree improvement in health!

    Mellowing and strengthening - there is always a challenge as we grow older, isn't there. Much love, Axxx

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    1. There are indeed many challenges as we grow older Annie. Somehow though we manage to deal with them a bit easier than when we were young. I guess it's because we know life is short and we have to make the best of what we have.

      Thanks Annie xx

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  6. I am pleased that you feel such forgiveness. it doesn't seem to have been Mehmet's fault but a whole series of things going wrong and other people's mistakes.
    It is a very good thing that you are going to do some voluntary work for him. I think you will make a tremendous difference to the comfort & well being of the animals there.
    Well done for suggesting that.
    Hoping Poppy's medication does the trick.
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

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    1. Thanks Maggie. It's a lot easier to have a good relationship with someone than a bad one! I hope this medication will work. She has to try it for two weeks and then we will see if there is any improvement. xxx

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  7. I'm really impressed by you for doing this. I bet you feel better now too.

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    1. Thanks KV. Yes I do feel loads better for it xx

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  8. I'm so glad you've managed to get your relationship with Mehmet back onto a good footing, Ayak, and that you now know your first opinion of him was the right one. That in itself will help to heal some of the painful memories of the past couple of weeks.

    I think it's a brilliant idea to volunteer as you have done. Well done for being so generous and proactive.

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    1. Perpetua, overall Mehmet has put himself out a great deal for me since I first met him, so it's time to return the favour xxx

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  9. I think you did entirely the right thing in talking this thru with Mehmet & you at least know your instincts about this vet were correct. Funnily enough when I got to the bit about him taking on too much work on & not having enough help I was thinking "maybe Ayak could help out a bit" & then that's exactly you you wrote. I think it would be great if you could help out sometimes. It must be hard living in a country where you are so often left voiceless, you are a stoic. Hope Poppy is better soon.

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  10. Hi tricia.Yes my first instincts about people are usually right. It's a shame that events happened the way they did and caused me to have doubts.

    Touch wood, Poppy hasn't wee'd in her sleep for 3 days now, so it looks like the meds are working.

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  11. I was so glad to read this. When I first heard about what happened to Beki I was really shocked but almost immediately I got a nagging feeling something wasn't right. It didn't sound like the Mehmet you had written about earlier. He had been so kind and caring, it just didn't add up. I wondered what he had to say for himself. However, Beki was very sick, you were understandably upset and I knew it wasn't the time to mention it.
    I'm glad to hear Poppy is responding to treatment, too and I the volunteering sounds like a brilliant idea. I think you'll be perfect.

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    1. almostlegalalien: I am so glad I contacted him. I did feel it was necessary because I couldn't believe I had been wrong about him. We can say some dreadful things when we are upset, but I'm glad that I was able to put that right.

      Poppy is responding brilliantly. No "sccidents" for 6 days now xx

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  12. I'm so sorry to hear about Beki's terrible time, but glad that you've managed to lay things to rest so to speak.x

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