Monday, 10 September 2012

Bugs, Google and OCD

I'm often reluctant to admit that I suffer from OCD.  It's mostly under control.  I don't obsess on a daily basis, but occasionally something triggers that illogical part of my brain which sends my obsessions into overdrive.

At the moment it's bugs.  Most of the time I accept that living in this environment and hot climate I will encounter creatures that I'm not comfortable with.   We get ants...I put ant killer down and they go away.  We have scorpions, snakes, centipedes, millipedes, mosquitoes, and all kinds of other crawling and flying pests, some so minute that you can hardly see them, but they bother me nevertheless.

For the past couple of weeks I have convinced myself that we have bed bugs.  I have searched on Google.  I have looked at countless pictures of bed bugs and have read everything there is to read about the signs of infestation.   I have searched my bedroom from top to bottom.  I've come across tiny insects obviously, but nothing that resembles a bed bug.  And there are no other indications that they exist.  So the logical part of my brain should just accept that they aren't there.  I wish.

The problem with Google is that there is just too much information.  And I have spent hours reading about bed bugs to the extent that I was having nightmares about being eaten alive.

I have been like someone possessed recently.   I have vacuumed and scrubbed.  I have taken everything out of the underbed storage, washed it, and put in plastic bags.  I have washed every item of clothing in wardrobes and drawers.  I bought some liquid from a shop in Milas, which is mixed with water and have sprayed every part of the house at least twice a day.

Last week I was  sleeping on the sofa in the sitting room with the light on (somewhere on Google it said that bed bugs don't appear if you leave the light on).  But all this was becoming so exhausting and  making me very miserable.  At one point I asked Mr A to find a pest controller to come and fumigate the house.  My logical side knows that if this happened he would find nothing, but I'm sure would be happy to be paid money we can't afford for carrying out the job.

I have realised within the last couple of days that all this is due to extreme anxiety and the onset of another bout of depression.  There are things going on in my life over which I have no control and this makes me very anxious. 

I've taken back a little bit of control.  I'm back sleeping in the bed...without the light on...and I'm not being bitten by anything.  I now accept there are no bugs.  It was all in my head. 

I'm hoping this mood will lift before I go to England on Friday, because the last thing I want is to be like this around my daughter and grandsons.

I always try to find a positive if I can, and on this occasion  because of my frenzied search for bugs, my house and  contents are cleaner than they've ever been!


20 comments:

  1. Good that you realised what was actually happening of which the search for bugs was the manifestation...step one to dealing with it.

    I hope that the very fact of going to visit your daughter and those gorgeous little boys will lift your mood...

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    1. Yes I'm glad I realised Fly. It was getting a bit ridiculous (although I'm still searching but not as obsessively!)

      I know once I see the boys I will feel a whole lot better x

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  2. I'm not OCD, Ayak, but I have had the same conviction that we have had bedbugs myself - and googled and cleaned and sprayed and watched and poked and....I think the thought of bugs in one's bed is enough to drive anyone to extreme measures. We don't have them either.
    It is rather nice to have everything clean and fresh - I hope your wonderful attitude and your imminent visit to your gorgeous family keep your head above that water level.
    Axxx

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    1. I'm very relieved to know that you have experienced the "bug-search" situation too Annie. I don't feel quite so crazy now.

      I am looking forward to Friday and it's just what I need right now xx

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  3. Oh Ayak......I don't have OCD but "BUGS" send me over the edge. Whenever I see one of those centipede things my neighbours down the street can hear me screaming. Cockroaches after living in New York and they hold the city buildings up I'm use to them. :-(
    .....Bed Bugs...let me tell you, I haven't gone to the Movie Theater b/c I've read there are bed bugs, so I have refused to go for years.....some were found on the seats I read.. Or even if I see a restaurant with cushion chairs I'm not eating there b/c I think there are bed bugs. Anyways my neighbour's kid had bed bugs and her legs had bug bites on them...that is how you know you have bed bugs in your bed the Dr. told them.

    Glad that you are looking on the positive and happy thing that you are going to see your precious Grandchildren soon and Family and get your new Netbook.
    Take care....

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    1. Erica. I realise now of course that there were no bed bugs. I am quite an expert on them now, so I know what the bites look like too. Apart from half a dozen mosquito bites on my back which I would have got from watering the garden, there are no other bites anywhere on my body. Talking of centipedes, you may recall the one that hung on to my finger when I pulled it out of the washing machine? Well I found another one on the wall yesterday, stamped on it and assumed it was dead, then wrapped it in tissue to dispose of it and the little horror was still alive and grabbed my finger. Thankfully no lasting damage.
      It will indeed be nice to be in England next week away from the creepy crawlies!

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  4. It must be the time of year... a few days ago I had decided that something was biting me in bed, so have done a little of what you describe...nothing quite so through, I must admit. Anyway, I have now decided it was just a mosquito that bit me a couple of times before flying back to our dark and damp, sodden back garden pond. It was good to give the bedroom a real good autumn spring clean though! I hope you are now looking forward to the trip back to the Uk, and those gorgeous children. J.

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    1. Definitely the time of year to be bitten Janice! The mozzies are still very active here, and as mentioned to Erica above, I'm now finding centipedes...nasty ugly vicious creatures.

      Am so much in need of a break!

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  5. Hi Ayak, I am reading a very good book on Depression at the moment. It explains a lot about negative and positives and I am finding it very helpful. You can buy it on Amazon and have it sent to your daughters address. Have a wonderful "bug free" holiday with your lovely family. xx

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  6. Thanks Noreen. Sounds interesting. I have read many books over the years about depression, not only for myself but because I worked in the mental health field. I'd be interested to have more details of this one please x

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  7. Ayak, I don't know how you cope with living with quite so many creepy-crawlies in any case, so suspecting the presence of yet more must have been quite nightmarish. I'm glad you now know they aren't there and like others I'm really hoping that your trip to the UK and seeing your daughter and gorgeous grandsons will help to fend off a possible bout of depression.

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    1. Thankyou Perpetua. As Friday fast approaches my mood is improving I'm pleased to say xx

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  8. Sympathy....
    Last year I got convinced that carpet moths would eat all our kilims, then distressed by the possible effects of the substances used to remove carpet moths (I am pretty sure we had them though they haven't eaten our kilims yet).
    This year we got meal moths on our pine nuts and wallnuts. Horrible things (the meal moths, not the nuts)! We had them once in the UK and had to throw out all the food and fumigate the kitchen.

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    1. omentide. It's one of the hazards of living in this heat I guess. It seems to be the perfect climate for creepy crawlies. I'm mostly not bothered by them and it's only my anxiety about other things that makes me obsess over them. Pleased to hear your kilims are still OK.

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  9. I have a bug phobia....hate em....don't care if they are dangerous or NOT...and alcohol....in a spray bottle...will kill bugs..even head lice and much cheaper then that expensive stuff sold to get rid of head lice..and it doesn't stain..can be sprayed on furniture..mattresses..etc. Acohol is a wonderful thing!

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    1. Hi Charlotte Ann. Now that's a good idea. I guess you mean the kind of alcohol you buy from a chemist? I wouldn't relish the thought of spraying something like neat vodka around the house! That would be a waste!

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    2. I'm not wasting my precious gin by spraying about the house. The bugs would invite all their friends in for the party

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    3. I'm definitely with you there BtoB. I think I'd rather drink the gin and suffer the bugs x

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  10. Hugs to you Ayak! Hope you stay positive and have a great trip :-)

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