I'm often reluctant to admit that I suffer from OCD. It's mostly under control. I don't obsess on a daily basis, but occasionally something triggers that illogical part of my brain which sends my obsessions into overdrive.
At the moment it's bugs. Most of the time I accept that living in this environment and hot climate I will encounter creatures that I'm not comfortable with. We get ants...I put ant killer down and they go away. We have scorpions, snakes, centipedes, millipedes, mosquitoes, and all kinds of other crawling and flying pests, some so minute that you can hardly see them, but they bother me nevertheless.
For the past couple of weeks I have convinced myself that we have bed bugs. I have searched on Google. I have looked at countless pictures of bed bugs and have read everything there is to read about the signs of infestation. I have searched my bedroom from top to bottom. I've come across tiny insects obviously, but nothing that resembles a bed bug. And there are no other indications that they exist. So the logical part of my brain should just accept that they aren't there. I wish.
The problem with Google is that there is just too much information. And I have spent hours reading about bed bugs to the extent that I was having nightmares about being eaten alive.
I have been like someone possessed recently. I have vacuumed and scrubbed. I have taken everything out of the underbed storage, washed it, and put in plastic bags. I have washed every item of clothing in wardrobes and drawers. I bought some liquid from a shop in Milas, which is mixed with water and have sprayed every part of the house at least twice a day.
Last week I was sleeping on the sofa in the sitting room with the light on (somewhere on Google it said that bed bugs don't appear if you leave the light on). But all this was becoming so exhausting and making me very miserable. At one point I asked Mr A to find a pest controller to come and fumigate the house. My logical side knows that if this happened he would find nothing, but I'm sure would be happy to be paid money we can't afford for carrying out the job.
I have realised within the last couple of days that all this is due to extreme anxiety and the onset of another bout of depression. There are things going on in my life over which I have no control and this makes me very anxious.
I've taken back a little bit of control. I'm back sleeping in the bed...without the light on...and I'm not being bitten by anything. I now accept there are no bugs. It was all in my head.
I'm hoping this mood will lift before I go to England on Friday, because the last thing I want is to be like this around my daughter and grandsons.
I always try to find a positive if I can, and on this occasion because of my frenzied search for bugs, my house and contents are cleaner than they've ever been!