I suppose when I moved here 14 years ago, I had no idea that life would be so different. If I had known then that I would face so many ups and downs, maybe I wouldn't have lasted long. But to a large extent I'm glad I've stuck with it.
I'm a naturally anxious person. Even if things are going smoothly I will always find something to stress about. That's me and I can't change it. But I have learned over the years how to deal with it.
My last post about my obsession with bugs is a good example of how my anxiety manifests itself. But now I've dealt with it, not just in a practical way to be sure that my house isn't infected, but by talking about it here. Because for me blogging will always be therapeutic. Writing about how I feel puts it all into perspective. The support and encouragement I then receive from my followers helps me to overcome my fears.
There are many signs that show me I'm heading towards depression, apart from the OCD and anxiety. I become quite clumsy. I walk into doorframes and furniture and bruise myself. I burn myself on the iron and oven. I have an almost healed burn on my arm from last week, and yesterday I scalded my thumb and part of my palm with steam from something being heated in the microwave. Nasty blisters have appeared and it's painful, but it will heal.
A lot of my anxiety comes from being apart from Mr A. I see so little of him. He is working such long hours. He doesn't have time to come home, and on the rare occasions when he does, it has been to bring dirty washing or shopping, which he drops off and then returns to work. We have no time to talk. This can't be good for any relationship.
I spend too much time on my own, so on Saturday I caught 3 buses over to Mr A's hotel, which takes between two and two and a half hours. Spent a few hours relaxing, having lunch, and attempts at conversation with Mr A...which is not easy when he's busy, but it's better than nothing. I repeated the journey again on Sunday and yesterday. Fortunately he had to drop a customer at the airport yesterday so was able to give me a lift home. The communication between us which had almost disappeared, is gradually improving again, and this in turn makes me less anxious.
Last Friday I spent a very enjoyable afternoon at the home of my friend BacktoBodrum. She kindly drove out to the village to collect me and Poppy. We had a lovely lunch and a swim in her pool and she took us back home later. You may recall that she recently adopted a dog called Jake through the Turkish Animal Group. We are encouraging Poppy and Jake to spend time together and have agreed to help each other out with dogsitting when the occasion arises. She is kindly looking after Poppy when I go to England next week, and I very much look forward to having Jake here with Poppy some time in the future.
BtoB is lovely and I am happy to have met her. She is good company and really lifts my spirits. Jake and Poppy, although naturally apprehensive at first, seem to be getting on OK and I'm sure they will become good friends.
My anxieties are gradually disappearing and plummeting into the black hole of depression seems to have been avoided this time.
There are many things to be positive about in my life. I just have to make more of an effort to find them.