Wednesday, 12 September 2012

Dealing with life

I suppose when I moved here 14 years ago, I had no idea that life would be so different.  If I had known then that I would face so many ups and downs, maybe I wouldn't have lasted long.  But to a large extent I'm glad I've stuck with it.

I'm a naturally anxious person.  Even if things are going smoothly I will always find something to stress about.  That's me and I can't change it.  But I have learned over the years how to deal with it.

My last post about my obsession with bugs is a good example of how my anxiety manifests itself.  But now I've dealt with it, not just in a practical way to be sure that my house isn't infected, but by talking about it here.  Because for me blogging will always be therapeutic.  Writing about how I feel puts it all into perspective.  The support and encouragement I then receive from my followers helps me to overcome my fears.

There are many signs that show me I'm heading towards depression, apart from the OCD and anxiety.  I become quite clumsy.  I walk into doorframes and furniture and bruise myself.  I burn myself on the iron and oven.  I have an almost healed burn on my arm from last week, and yesterday I scalded my thumb and part of my palm with steam from something being heated in the microwave.  Nasty blisters have appeared and it's painful, but it will heal.

A lot of my anxiety comes from being apart from Mr A.   I see so little of him.  He is working such long hours.  He doesn't have time to come home, and on the rare occasions when he does, it has been to bring dirty washing or shopping, which he drops off and then returns to work.   We have no time to talk.  This can't be good for any relationship.

I spend too much time on my own, so on Saturday I caught 3 buses over to Mr A's hotel, which takes between two and two and a half hours.  Spent a few hours relaxing, having lunch, and attempts at conversation with Mr A...which is not easy when he's busy, but it's better than nothing.  I repeated the journey again on Sunday and yesterday.   Fortunately he had to drop a customer at the airport yesterday so was able to give me a lift home.   The communication between us which had almost disappeared, is gradually improving again, and this in turn makes me less anxious.

Last Friday I spent a very enjoyable afternoon at the home of my friend BacktoBodrum. She kindly drove out to the village to collect me and Poppy.  We had a lovely lunch and a swim in her pool and she took us back home later.    You may recall that she recently adopted a dog called Jake through the Turkish Animal Group.  We are encouraging Poppy and Jake to spend time together and have agreed to help each other out with dogsitting when the occasion arises.  She is kindly looking after Poppy when I go to England next week, and I very much look forward to having Jake here with Poppy some time in the future.

BtoB is  lovely  and I am happy to have met her.  She is good company and really lifts my spirits.  Jake and Poppy, although naturally apprehensive at first, seem to be getting on OK and I'm sure they will become good friends.

My anxieties are gradually disappearing and plummeting into the black hole of depression seems to have been avoided this time.

There are many things to be positive about in my life.  I just have to make more of an effort to find them.

13 comments:

  1. You're a tremendously positive person....life isn't easy for you but you always dig down and find some more resources to keep going.

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    1. Fly, my father who I loved dearly, was also a depressive. At times like this he would keep saying "I won't let the bastards grind me down...rise above it". There are always positives to be found if you search hard enough. Thankyou xxx

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  2. It is good to hear that your attempts to rise above the depression are working. It would be so easy not to make the effort to go to see Mr A, or to be in touch with Bto B. I love the thought of Poppy and Jake becoming friends... that is excellent news! J.

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  3. As a very anxious person myself, I can fully appreciate how you must feel. It isn't good to have so much time on your own. I'm really pleased that you have made a good friend & doggy minder and this must help to bash the depression away.
    Hoping Mr A will be able to spend more time with you soon.
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

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  4. Dear Ayak, I'm so glad you have met up with BtB - she sounds great. Probably getting out and about is the answer - being on your own so much can't help. Wish I was closer!xx

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  5. This is very good that you have a different outlook and approach to your life and struggles.....your positive attitude makes life easier and more positive instead of dwelling on the negative. I'm happy that things are turning around for you... and Mr. A.

    Yes...Blogging does help, for example you met a very nice B to B, which lifts your spirits and a friend in need.
    I think your life with the "ups and downs" makes your world go around....as the saying goes :-) more interesting.
    take care.

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  6. Thankyou so much everyone for your lovely comments. Please forgive me for not responding individually. I am having internet AND Blogger problems today. Internet connection is on and off every few minutes (I'm writing this comment in stages) and hoping to eventually post it. And Blogger seems to be eating up the replies I've attempted so far.

    Also a thankyou to someone called Sally, who emailed me with a lovely comment which I would have copied here but now appear to have lost the email...aargh!

    Sally isn't sure how to post comments. If someone could explain it for her on here(yoohoo Perpetua!) I'm sure she would appreciate it. I'm sure if I type anymore I'll lose it anyway!

    OK..here goes...attempting to post this comment!

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  7. Oh for goodness sake! Now I've found Sally's email so I think it only fair to copy it:

    "I don't really understand the computery mechanics of blogs or how I am meant to reply but just wanted to say how much I appreciate your openness and honesty about your life in Turkey. I hope you have a great time with your family in England.




    Sally"

    ........Thankyou Sally and welcome x

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  8. Always thinking of you and enjoy your trip, hope we get chance to chat soon xx

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  9. I take my hat off to you Ayak for the way that you ride the ups and downs of your life in Turkey. It cannot be easy living in an isolated village without your own transport & being on your own so much. And yet you always seem to find a way to cope & to look for the positive. At least you havent long to wait before you see your family again - something to look forward to. Take care.

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  10. I wish we could meet up when you're in England - I don't suppose you'll be anywhere within striking distance of mid-Wales, will you? I can imagine how lonely you must get when Mr A is working so far away - and how anxious it must make you feel at times. It's great to meet up with other bloggers, as Perpetua has found (I know her from outside the blog world - she's introduced me to it - and have also met Friko, who lives not far from me). Safe travelling, and have a good time with the family.

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  11. Thanks everyone. Having awful internet problems at the moment. My connection goes on and off every few minutes. I just typed a long response here, tried to post, lost internet, and lost my post.

    I have been trying to sort out with TTNet since yesterday, and hope I can manage another post before I leave tomorrow.

    And just as I'm typing this, my connection is lost again, so will have to wait until it returns before I presss "publish". So annoying.

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  12. Have a lovely time in England Ayak.

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