Tuesday, 5 February 2013

Anger management

After the phone was "fixed" last Friday, the line went dead again early on Saturday.   After some shouting by Mr A on the phone to Milas, he was promised that it would be fixed on Monday (yesterday).

The engineers turned up at around 9am.  They informed Mr A that it would only take an hour to sort out.  I assume they mean an hour of Turkish time which is likely to be more like two hours.

As soon as they started work on the telephone line, I lost my internet connection, so I busied myself cooking. Mercimek soup, a chicken casserole, some cupcakes filled with lemon curd.

An hour passed, then two, then three, and still no sign of phone or internet working.   One of the engineers came to our gate and asked for a hammer.  For goodness sake, do Turkish workmen ever carry tools?   Actually they usually don't.  You'd be amazed at some of the things they ask for.  For example they will request a ladder for something that needs doing on the roof.   Like the time the solar panels and tank were faulty.  Wouldn't you assume that specialists in this field would have a ladder?

Mr A had been off collecting some sand and returned at 2pm, assuming that the phone would be  working.  It wasn't and he started to shout at the engineers.  He then came into the house and started shouting at me...well it was more shouting TO me about the useless engineers, at which point he checked the phone...found it to still be dead and promptly threw it on the floor, and it broke.

Which brings me to the subject of anger and how to manage it.  Mr A is by nature a fairly placid man, but in the past year or so (particularly since his grandparents died, although I'm not sure this is connected) he seems to have a very short fuse.   He gets angry at the slightest thing, and will often smash a plate or cup or anything else to hand.

He is always remorseful afterwards, but then sinks into a depression which can last for days.   I have tried to encourage him to see a psychiatrist, but there is still such a stigma here about such things.  Sadly, there is a high rate of suicide amongst men in Turkey, so I feel certain that their male pride prevents them from getting the help they need.

In England we're more open to mental health issues.  There are anger management classes which would be ideal for someone like Mr A.  But there is little on offer here.

He has promised me today that he will "think" about seeing a psychiatrist.  He admits that he has a problem and it's making him unhappy.   I'm hoping he'll keep his promise. 

18 comments:

  1. Oh dear, sorry Mr A isn't as happy as he could be, no wise words but sending you a huge hug, it must have been very stressful over the last few years with the lack of work available and long times apart.

    Re workmen, that always makes me laugh, they come in two's, never on their own and never have a ladder, we joke there is only 1 in the village!

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    1. Thanks auntiegwen. His mood will improve once he starts works again I'm sure..yes there has been a lot of stress.

      I don't get it with the workmen. They don't ever turn up with the most basic tools of their trade!

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  2. He's not had a happy time, has he....but that's no consolation to you!

    Workmen!Nothing can be worse than the artisan francais...has all the tools and no clue what to do with them...

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    1. No consolation at all Helen! I don't know which is worse the french workmen with all the tools and the Turkish with none...hmm not much in it really!

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  3. You have to admit, there are a lot of things to get angry at. Mr A needs a job befitting his experience that is secure from one month to the next.

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    1. That would certainly be a good start BtoB x

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  4. Send him out to break stones or chop wood when he wants to throw stuff. If you have a need to physically vent the anger then it might help. I run when angry now but I have been a thrower of pots and phones.

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    1. He has been breaking up rocks in the garden today KV. You're absolutely right...it does help xx

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  5. Just my two cents but I think poor Mr. A would be lessss stressful if he had a steady secure job......probably very nerve racking for him. With those jobs being cancelled, or cut short, etc, etc.........well, I will wish Mr. A the best.... just hope he can control his anger. This is also very stressful for you and hope it doesn't take a toll on you..

    Workmen, I know my husband always laughs and tells me stories about Turkey when we have something done here how in Turkey they would botch it up or take forever to come...he said sometimes you have to bribe them to get the job done.

    Well.....take care, and yummy..... I also made mercimek soup and those cupcakes with lemon curd sound wonderful. This should make Mr. A happy for the time being..take care XXXX

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    1. Thanks Erica. I agree the work situation..or rather lack of it...certainly doesn't help.

      Your husband is right, bribery often does the trick!

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    2. Bribe them with your cup cakes. They sound delish I would take them as a bribe!! LOL

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    3. Haha..might be worth a try Carol x

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  6. I suppose theres only so much that a man can take & I think you are extraordinarily patient!
    Hope the net comes on soon.
    Maggie x

    Nuts in May

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    1. I'm not a patient person by nature Maggie, but I think living here for so long makes you realise that being impatient gets you nowhere!

      Phone and internet working well now...touch wood!

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  7. I'm sorry Mr A is under so much stress and that must make life stressful for you, Ayak. He's had a very hard year, with the deaths of his beloved grandparents and such a precarious work situation, but you're right, it does sound like he needs to talk to someone and get help with managing his stress and anger. I do hope you can get him to do it.

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    1. Well it's quite difficult to get him to see someone Perpetua. As you will see from my latest post, if I attempt to get him to do anything, he quite often does the opposite. I have to pick the right moment to encourage him.

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  8. Perhaps some bereavement counselling would help? it does sound connected. Hope he gets some support though

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    1. Difficult to know what counselling is available here Carol...if any. And that's if I could manage to convince him to see someone..and that's difficult too.

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