Tuesday, 19 March 2013

When you're feeling a bit stupid....

....just read these.  They will make you feel like a genius!

EE2F0653-42D0-49EF-B509-02F4F8CE9D3C(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
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712353C6-EED9-473C-ACD9-F9DD570264DD"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey
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8393E4D8-91EE-4269-958D-B5625C94E3E2"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign
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CF926FC4-E220-4F59-8B48-03AFCE44100C"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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558CBB21-F52D-4998-810E-5E200684ED6F"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC . ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
4C3E2583-EE7F-472C-976F-36E5CEE8952A"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas .
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410BD30A-6C60-4B6A-A46D-EECD6079F489"Half this game is ninety percent mental." -- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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4B4101F3-4687-4E0E-9358-C490D94A8856"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.." --Al Gore, Vice President
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3534F8A2-8DFD-4407-AD60-14F44435D963"I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix " -- Dan Quayle
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171C3807-997D-4A9F-A99D-6379A62FA4D6"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" -- Lee Iacocca
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ED07BA5E-7385-4489-97B4-D5410796D673"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
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A6A4892C-4F00-4071-B82B-1B3673ADEE09"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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AFDF12E2-CE08-47A1-B7D5-79ECE7058616575A316D-AEAD-4006-96D0-8472A565C8E7
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
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"Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
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E96C0F6E-4DF9-4ACD-B639-9A51820A487B"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler

21 comments:

  1. I haven't read Private Eye since returning to Turkey and having just read your post, realise that I'm missing Coleman's Balls - I must re-subscribe.

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    1. I haven't read Private Eye for years...I miss Coleman's Balls too!

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  2. 'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.' Why yes Brooke... quite an important part :))

    Ayak, these are class, they really are. Thanks for cheering me up no end. I'm off to apply to Mensa :)

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    1. My brother sent them to me Lilli. They cheered me up too x

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  3. Ayak, those had me rolling about. Just what I needed today - thank you!

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    1. Glad they made you laugh Vicky x

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  4. These made me laugh....so George Dubbya (may he not be misunderestimated) is not alone....

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    1. Poor old George Dubbya..no he's not alone Helen.

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  5. That last quote is from Mark S. Fowler. The name is familiar though I'm not sure how the quote relates to this man, exactly.

    If it's the same person, then this is the guy who, under Reagan, decided it was a wonderful idea to dismantle the Fairness Doctrine. This policy stated that in order to get a broadcasting license in the US a media outlet had to (at least attempt to) offer two balanced points of view on an issue. It was supposed to be a way of preventing a news organization from becoming wholly devoted to propaganda. This important deregulation led to the creation of Fox News, owned by Rupert Murdoch's News Corp.

    So it turns out that Fowler was simply a source of stupid quotes but a source of very stupid policy as well.

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    1. That's very interesting Nomad. You may not be aware, but I was as soon as I saw the photo next to the quote, that another idiotic thing has happened here. The photo is of an actor who played a character in an English soap opera called Eastenders...name of character...Mark Fowler.

      Clearly, whoever gathered these quotes together, googled the name and came up with the wrong person..now I find that very funny too!!

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  6. Those brightened up a very dreary day, Ayak.

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    1. I'm glad Perpetua. It brightened my day too.

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  7. the USA, the land where people make some of the weirdest comments ever :D:D:D you don't have to pay for entertainment, you just have to wait for it to happen...because it will :D

    hey wait a minute...there's no Sarah Palin: "But obviously, we've got to stand with our North Korean allies." --Sarah Palin, after being asked how she would handle the current hostilities between the two Koreas, interview on Glenn Beck's radio show, Nov. 24, 2010

    http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/sarahpalin/a/palin-top-10.htm

    thanks for sharing Ayak

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    1. Hi Theanne..nice to see you again. Hope you are well.

      I know very little about American politics but I have heard of Sara Palin and her many faux pas!

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  8. Too funny....thanks for posting.

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  9. Thank you so much. So funny! Danielle.

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  10. Hahahahahahaha. Now that last one really made me giggle

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