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Sunday, 22 September 2013

Stress and frayed tempers

I don't really understand why the water appeared yesterday for 10 minutes then disappeared again.  BtoB and Perpetua's suggestions on my previous post make sense to me.   However, the water didn't return at all last night and Mr A phoned the Muhtar.

He still insists we lost our supply yesterday because those down the hill were using too much.  He says he told people NOT to use so much to start with.  As a result of this apparently three men turned up at his office threatening to hit him if he didn't allow them to use what they wanted.   I have no idea if this is true.  If it is, it's ridiculous.  If it isn't, it's a ridiculous story to make up.

I have had a big row with Dursune.   I wonder why I seem to be the only one in this village who is considerate of others.  Clearly, it makes no difference to them.  They still have attitude problems.

If I have extra food, or anything, I give to Dursune.  When I am going to the shop to get bread, I ask if she wants some.  She always says she doesn't have money, and I say it doesn't matter, and get her bread anyway.

Dursune has lots of chickens.  Far too many for her small garden, and they are running around all over the place, including our garden.  She knows but doesn't seem concerned when I tell her I am worried about my dogs killing them.   So I look out for them and shoo them out.

I am up at 5am every morning.  I let my dogs out for their run before Dursune gets up and lets her chickens out.  Every evening I make my dogs wait patiently until Dursune decides to gather up her chickens and put in the coop, before letting the dogs out.  In fact I always ask, as I did last night, if it's ok to let them out.  And last night she said yes.

Within 10 minutes they all rushed back to the gate.  Megan with a dead chicken in her mouth.  One of Dursune's which must have escaped up the hill behind our house.  It's not my fault. It's not the dogs' fault.  But Dursune went berserk.  She ranted and raved at me and started brandishing a heavy stick at my dogs.  I opened my gate to let them in, but Blondie was terrified.  She cowered, then ran away.  She didn't return for 2 hours, still very scared.

I was so angry.  I told her that I have fitted in with her and her chickens, but if she cannot control them and she has said it's ok to let the dogs out, then I cannot be responsible for something like this happening.  She carried on shouting, and in the middle of it Mr A phoned.  I answered and he could hear her in the background.  I explained briefly what had happened and he asked me to pass the phone to Dursune.  She snatched it from my hand and then shouted down the phone.  I could hear Mr A shouting back.  She threw the phone back at me...just as well I managed to catch it, or she may well have been paying for a new phone.

Mr A says I have to ignore her, and that I should stop being considerate, and let the dogs out whenever I want to.  That the road and the hills do not belong to Dursune, but to all of us so we have a right to let our dogs out.  I'll probably stick to letting them out when the chicks are not around, but I'll not bother to ask Dursune's permission.

I was up at 4am today.  I happened to turn on the tap and water was coming out very slowly.  Enough though to have a shower, and for the washing machine to work, so I loaded it up.

It has continued to flow and the pressure seems to be improving, so I am hoping that the crisis is now over.  I have managed to get all my washing done and have my shower, so even if it goes off again today, I won't feel so stressed.

22 comments:

  1. I have unhappily learnt that when in the village act like a villager. If you do a favour a few times, it is immediately taken as a commitment to continue. i.e. if you offer a lift twice - you will be expected to drives so and so wherever. If you give a tip to a driver - that will automatically be included in the price next time. If you let Ayse's aunty use your parking space once, that forever will be Ayse's family's parking space etc. So I try and blend in now by shouting at people when their dogs and chickens stray rather than being my reasonable conciliatory self , that way my garden doesn't turn into a chicken run or dog pound. It goes against the grain though.

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    1. It does go against the grain BtoB, but you are right. Mr A has been trying to tell me this since we moved here, and it's about time I took notice. The attitude of the villagers over the past two weeks has really opened my eyes. No more Mrs Nice!!

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  2. This "villager" mentality is so puzzling. Why are people like that ? It makes no sense at all, and it must cause them stress. Dursune was presumably upset by the horrible encounter you describe. Surely she can see that you would not let your dogs kill her chickens intentionally, and that you have gone out of your way to be supportive of her. I only hope that these frustrations and stresses will decrease when Mr A. is at home more often. Or at least you will have someone on your side to help deal with them. Not long now till you have a break though, take care. Jx

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    1. It is puzzling Janice and I find it quite hard to deal with. I am sure it will be much better when Mr A is around much more. I'll just let him deal with any confrontation.

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  3. Noooooo, don't stop being nice. If all if bad, a single drop of nice keeps open a crack off light in the darkness. Be true to yourself and don't live to your own detriment but don't stop being nice because others aren't. The self rewards are far greater. Much love xxx

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    1. KV...I was determined when I typed this morning that I would be the same as everyone else today, but it is harder than I thought. Try as I might, a little bit of nice keeps appearing. It really doesn't feel nice being nasty :-)

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  4. Something like this shows the fracture lines, doesn't it....but what a pity that you have to act like a harridan when that is so far from your real self.

    I found in rural France that you really had to stick to your guns and act like a tyrant in order not to be trodden underfoot.

    You know what they say..no good deed goes unpunished.

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    1. Unfortunately my acting like a harridan is quite unpleasant, and upsets me more than it does anyone else. Dursune was being deliberately difficult this evening and took her time gathering up the chickens, so that it was dark when I let the dogs out. She hadn't spoken a word to me all day. I let the dogs out eventually...no chickens around...and she started shouting abuse again. I just ignored it. But I don't like it.

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  5. I really don't know what to say, Ayak. From what you have written before, it always seemed that you and Dursune rubbed along quite well together. When faced with something she doesn't like though, she has no strategies other than to shout and complain - like a small child. You know it's not right so it's hard to give like for like. And I don't think you should but no one likes being shouted at either! Especially unfairly. I guess you could just imagine she's very old, small child at heart and see if that helps! (Helps you, I mean!)
    So glad the water is back on - I should think the whole village is pretty stressed after all this time. Axxx

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    1. Yes Annie, she is a bit like a child having a tantrum, and I didn't like being in the situation where I was shouting back at her. But this was reaction on my part for her waving a stick at my dogs and scaring them. I'm afraid I am very protective of them. Probably more than most people would because I know how much dogs are disliked in this country and treated like vermin.

      Turks don't seem to bear grudges though, and outbursts seem to be forgotten pretty quickly. So I hope things will be back to normal soon.

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  6. So glad you are clean and so is your laundry. The Turkish culture is so foreign to me. I was raised you be nice and people will treat you likewise. I'm sure you are under the same assumption. My dogs are my babies so I'd be plenty mad if someone was to shake a stick or yelled at them. Things will be better when Mr. A is home. He understands the culture and what it takes to deal with these people. Enjoy your water and think on all things that are positive. Pat McDonald

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    1. Kind and thoughtful words. Thankyou Pat x

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  7. (((HUGS)))) I'm so happy you got a wash done and a shower......I know easy for me to say but ignore Dursune, she has a 'village' mentality. No matter how nice you are and do errands non-stop one itty bitty thing that ticks them off and you are black-listed.
    My husband always said those people from the Villages are like black and white compared to the city folks.....and he said always look after your own pocket and don't worry about anyone too much because it never works out...or appreciated.
    Just take it easy and think that soon you will see those two cutie pies. Just sit down relax and have a cup of coffee and enjoy your amazing view....and see to your doggys'.
    Take care XXXX

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    1. Erica the thought of flying off to see my grandsons next week has really helped me to ignore all this stress xx

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  8. Like you, I was brought up to treat others as I wanted to be treated, so I can understand how hard it must be to feel constrained to behave badly like this. However, when in Rome.... Hopefully things will improve once Mr A is home much more.

    Your low water pressure in the early morning does sound as though they are still regulating the pressure and hopefully this too will improve. We're on a well here in Wales and our pressure is always low. :-)

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    1. Well the pressure is back to normal Perpetua, but have heard that the water is off again tomorrow..more about that later.

      (Hope your husband is doing OK xx)

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  9. I think Dursune is also very stressed because of the water and probably taking it out on you and the dogs as she has no one else!! It is sad because one of her chickens died, but what can you do? It is so hard to live alongside villagers here as they have tunnel vision. The plus point as you say is that grudges don`t usually last for long.
    I really hope you two can make it up because you used to get on so well.
    I am sure once you have had your break away and return to the fold, she will welcome you back with open arms.
    In Turkey, you definitely need a man beside you or you will be walked on, unless you show your teeth, this is not a natural way to live, you always have to be on your guard.
    My husband when we lived in the UK, never had the problems that I have to endure.
    I cannot understand why Turks living here often treat us like unwanted visitor`s, yet they expect Turks living in others countries to be treated properly? We want the same, do we not???? F.XXX

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    1. Of course we want to be treated the same Fleur, and the longer we live here the more we hope that we will. But it isn't really the case. Yes having a man around helps, but it shouldn't have to.

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  10. Ayak,
    I am so sorry for all the ordeal. It may be a mixture of aging problems and the villager mentality. Your downhill neighbors have no excuse tough, they are selfish.
    Is it possible to train dogs not to kill the chickens?
    I never had dogs but my grandparents had a big cattle in a turkish village with 4 dogs to guard them, I dont remember the dogs going after the chickens. There were chickens everywhere all the time. And the dogs were sleeping the day off watching the chickens and the ducks and the turkeys roaming around. I dont know how it is done but I know it is possible.

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    1. Hello Seabell. I actually found out today that the dead chicken that Megan brought back to the house, wasn't killed by my dogs after all. It was one that died and Dursune had again dumped it on the hill behind our house, even though we had told her not to the last time she did it.

      They have only killed one chicken, and that was one that got into our garden, so I think that's understandable as it was invading their territory. I have watched them today, and when I let them out, there were chickens about and they ignored them. So I think that the fact that they are well fed is probably a deterrent to killing the chickens....thank goodness.

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  11. You deserve a medal, you really do! If someone started brandishing a stick near my dogs I'm afraid I'd be telling them where I would shove said stick! When I lived in Turkey I started off by being nice and found that people took the ****. My stress levels were through the roof! So I started being tougher and not caring whether people liked me or not. I was treated with a lot more respect after that... to my face at least :)

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    1. Hi Denise. It's taken me an awfully long time to realise that if you can't beat them you have to join them!

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