Saturday, 2 November 2013

Knowing when to say no.

I find myself getting rather angry today.  I'm angry because Mr A cannot say no when he really needs to and as a result people take advantage of him.  Well, one person in particular...Dursune.

He has always helped her whenever he is here.  Repairing leaky pipes, replacing tiles on her roof.  He even made a new chicken coop for her before he started work this summer.  But there are some times when he has to learn to say no.

During the past couple of weeks, he has been so busy trying to deal with all the problems around the outside of the house.  The leaky roof, the damp seeping through the walls, which has necessitated the knocking down and rebuilding of walls, digging and levelling the side of the house ready for him to lay cement.  It is simply hard labour.  The rocks that have to be dug up are so heavy and he is struggling.   There is still so much to do before the rain comes, and the forecast is for rain on Tuesday for three days.  He really is racing against the clock.

Dursune constantly calls out to him to do something for her, distracting him from the job in hand.  I have watched this for nearly two weeks and I am getting annoyed, because she just expects him to drop everything to do little jobs that are not in any way urgent.  And of course she never thanks him...just takes it for granted.

For the last three days she has been out in the road adding stones to her wall, which is directly opposite where Mr A is working.  She then decides to place some kind of wooden frame on the wall and into her yard, which she says is going to be another chicken coop.   She keeps calling out to him..."can you help put these pieces of wood straight?"   "Can you hammer some nails into it?" and on and on.   And of course he obliges.

I don't want to change his kind nature, but I also hate to see him being taken advantage of.  Dursune has family living in Milas...two strapping sons and a grandson.  They visit fairly regularly so I don't know why she doesn't ask them to do these jobs for her.

We've reached a point where we might have to scrape together enough money to pay someone to help Mr A with the heavy work, so that we can get it done in time.  Perhaps this wouldn't have been necessary if  Dursune didn't make so many demands...and Mr A could just learn to say no.

18 comments:

  1. it sounds like the traditional respect for older people is kicking in and making it difficult for him to say no, Ayak. For your sake, I hope he can harden his heart and concentrate on his own home before the rain comes.

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    1. He is making an effort today Perpetua. She hasn't stopped calling him but he is firmly saying he is busy. I don't know long he will be able to keep it up though

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  2. I do hope he can get his work done before it rains, Ayak. Is saying, I'll try and help later quite the same as 'no'? It's about priorities really, I think. Good luck to you both, Axx

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    1. Thanks Annie. Ah...he actually tried this a few days ago. It didn't work. She just became more persistant. I think it has to be no or give in I'm afraid!

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  3. He's just a lovely man Ayak.....that's why you love him. Hope it all works out. Jx

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    1. Yes he is Janice and of course I don't mind him helping others. I am also happy to do the same, but sometimes you just have to put your own needs and priorities first. Thankyou x

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  4. Fingers crossed you win the race against the rain....Dursane has family...who don't seem to do much to help her.

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    1. No they don't seem to do much to help her Helen, but then I think there are reasons for this. I've learned a lot more about her, which I was going to blog about, but not sure at the moment if it's appropriate.

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  5. I know how you feel....a few years back we had the same with an elderly neighbour across the street. The minute she saw my husband she had some chore for him to help her....sometimes he was late for work because she would pull him over as he was getting into the car to go to work. I don't mind but she had a big strapping son-in-law and 2 grown up Grandsons who just came to borrow money she use to complain.
    Well.....I just hope that your house and road works get done and all will work out before the weather settles in. Sorry for your daily frustrations and agitations. XX

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    1. I doubt things will change Erica. Mr A has tried just ignoring her today but that doesn't work because she will just come up and stand in front of him while he's working, demanding his attention...aargh..yes it is frustrating but what can you do?

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  6. Oh, I do feel for you. My husband used to be the same.
    Its good to be helping others but not at the expense of the important work that he has to do. Hope it doesn't come to blows!
    Maggie x

    Nuts in May

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    1. We definitely have to avoid it coming to blows Maggie!

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  7. If he doesn't think he can say "No" then he might consider saying, "Later, my dear, I'm up against it right now and I must get this lot done to meet my deadline" . . . . . . or something like that.

    That's meeting the situation half way.

    He sounds a really good man. Not many of us left LOL.
    Thanks for you kind comment at my place. Hugs ~ Eddie

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    1. She is so persistent Eddie. No or later doesn't work. She wants what she wants now! It is very hard to say no though isn't it?

      You're welcome re the comment Eddie. Wish I could do more to make you feel better. Take care xx

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    2. Then it has to be a firm NO!
      Then she might understand.

      Or you could BOTH keep asking her to do things NOW and then she might get the message LOL

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    3. What a good idea Eddie...might give that a try!

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