Thankyou to those who responded to my previous post. I feel a post is necessary rather than little replies to your comments.
I want to tell you all how very much your words have meant to me. It is very clear that many of you have similar experiences and this constant battle with this awful thing that controls your mind. I don't wish it on any of you, but I am actually glad to read that others go through the same thing. It makes me feel less alone.
It is so reassuring to hear about how you feel and how you deal with it.
This has been a lifetime affliction for me and having also worked in the mental health field for years, I know the signs, the triggers and the ways in which I have to push myself through the fog.
It's much worse being here rather than at home because things that have happened since I arrived have pushed me into this nightmare and I'm finding it difficult to cope.
No-one would know of course. The brave face mask is on. People think I am absolutely fine. Oh how we become experts at hiding how much we hurt inside!
I'm looking forward to going home on Saturday to my little bit of normality. My dogs keep me sane. Mr A keeps me sane. Having to nag him and worry about him makes me focus on something other than my own problems.
I spoke to Monty and Tommy on webcam yesterday. They both responded. Tommy barked. Monty tilted his head to one side, then the other, then tried to lick the screen, bumping his nose in the process. Oh how I miss them all.
Writing all this down really helps. Hearing all your reassuring words and your own experiences also help. Sometimes it's easier to give comfort to others when we are feeling the same, so please, if any of you are feeling despair at any time, email me. I am happy to listen and do what I can to help.
Thankyou again xxx