Thursday, 9 January 2014


Thankyou to those who responded to my previous post.  I feel a post is necessary rather than little replies to your comments.

I want to tell you all how very much your words have meant to me.  It is very clear that many of you have similar experiences and this constant battle with this awful thing that controls your mind.   I don't wish it on any of you, but  I am actually glad to read that others go through the same thing. It makes me feel less alone. 

It is so reassuring to hear about how you feel and how you deal with it.
This has been a lifetime affliction for me and having also worked in the mental health field for years, I know the signs, the triggers and the ways in which I have to push myself through the fog.
It's much worse being here rather than at home because things that have happened since I arrived have pushed me into this nightmare and I'm finding it difficult to cope.  

No-one would know of course.  The brave face mask is on.  People think I am absolutely fine.  Oh how we become experts at hiding how much we hurt inside!

I'm looking forward to going home on Saturday to my little bit of normality.   My dogs keep me sane.  Mr A keeps me sane.  Having to nag him and worry about him makes me focus on something other than my own problems.  

I spoke to Monty and Tommy on webcam yesterday.  They both responded.  Tommy barked.  Monty tilted his head to one side, then the other, then tried to lick the screen, bumping his nose in the process.   Oh how I miss them all.

Writing all this down really helps.  Hearing all your reassuring words and your own experiences also help.  Sometimes it's easier to give comfort to others when we are feeling the same, so please, if any of you are feeling despair at any time, email me.  I am happy to listen and do what I can to help.

Thankyou again xxx


  1. You need to be at home, only then will you feel more yourself. Now you realize what brought you here. Lots of hugs and love.F.XXX

  2. When I was at a very low point last year, I talked to a counsellor about knowing that the low point was transitory. Just as you describe, whilst knowing the low point would pass, it didn't actually make the moving on happen any quicker. I haven't the same experience as you Ayak, in that I have never suffered the desperateness of real depression. But my glimpses into it last year have helped me understand it more. I had a dear friend who suffered similarly, and I know how hard it was for her.
    All I can add, to the loving and caring messages that you have had from people who really do care and worry about you, is that while you are in a place where you know it will pass, hopefully the blackness fades to grey just a little.
    Fondest thoughts, Janice xxxxx

  3. Linda I am sorry you are going through one of the hiccoughs of life (That's what I call them) Nothing is insurmountable, but just seem that way at this point in time. I have had to force myself to stop worrying about what I cannot control and I hope your worries ease soon. A lovely slurp from your dog family (And Mr A) is probably a good start to getting you back on track. x

  4. You need to talk to someone who knows what it is about.....someone who hasn't had this just can't enter into the question of how you feel.
    Dear dogs! Mine are a great comfort too.

  5. Hello Linda, I am sorry to hear that what should have been a happy trip has been a struggle and has brought you low. Take the happiness and love from trip, hold it close and return home to heal. Positive thoughts for a quick return to a brighter you. Much love jaynexx

  6. Hoping that you'll find your usual coping strategies when you get home and that you have a safe, easy journey and that Mr A will be recovering well too.
    Know that your Blogging community ( I am one of them) is urging you on with empathy and hoping that you will feel well soon.
    Love and Hugs,
    Maggie x

    Nuts in May

  7. Thankyou so much everyone for your kind words and good wishes. You have all made me feel so much better. I arrived back home a couple of hours ago to a warm welcome from Mr A and the dogs,and feel a huge sense of relief xxx


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