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Thursday, 22 January 2015

Anxiety and Guilt

Since we lost Dave recently I have been on tenterhooks.  I watch the other 10 dogs constantly.  We don't really know what caused Dave's death and even though I know that it couldn't have been an infection or virus, because surely one of the others would have shown signs, it doesn't stop me worrying.

I keep wondering if there was more that I could have done to save him.  I'm not sleeping well at all, because if I hear one or more of the dogs outside barking I have to get up and check them.   If one of the four dogs in the house makes a sound or jumps off the bed, I switch the light on immediately to see if they're ok.  They are usually just getting up to drink water, or in Timmy's case going to the door to be let outside for the toilet.

I also feel guilty about having taken a couple of days off this week.  Yes, I did feel the benefit of the luxury of a hotel with a comfortable bed and a bath.  It wasn't expensive but I am so unused to spending money on myself and whenever I do, I wish later that I hadn't.  I can't change the habits of a lifetime.

The timing wasn't good.  We have had a lot of expense with vet bills just lately, and not enough in the way of donations to cover the costs.  I could have spent the Izmir trip money on the dogs.  It's what I normally would have done.  We were spending our money on dogs long before I started asking for donations, so it was unwise of me to rely on the generosity of others.

People have been so kind and generous and I am more grateful than you can imagine.  I want to keep doing what I'm doing for as long as possible for as many dogs as possible.   I have to be realistic though.  I have to accept that I can't save every dog I see wandering the streets from injury, disease or hunger.

More dogs are being dumped in our village.  I knew it would happen.  Again this makes me so anxious.  I don't know how we can protect them from being shot or poisoned like those other dogs we cared for.   I can't comprehend the ignorance and cruelty.  The mentality is beyond me.

I've had 17 years of this concern for the plight of the animals here, and those of you also involved in animal rescue and welfare will know that it never gets any easier, and how it's impossible to turn your back on an animal in need.  But none of us can do it without help from others.




9 comments:

  1. Linda you are doing a sterling job. If you do not take time out for yourself, your dogs will not have the great 100% total care they have been given by you. You deserve so much more than a few days away chick. You work long unpaid hours, you should feel pride NOT guilt. If there were more "Linda's" in this world it would be a much nicer place. You are a credit to your family. Reward yourself more often, you're a wee star! Lana x

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    1. Thankyou Lana. You always manage to cheer me up. I'm afraid with many people it's part of their nature to feel guilty about indulging themselves. At my ripe old age I'm not sure it's possible to change...but thanks for trying xxx

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  2. Those of us who work with and try to support the welfare of Turkish dogs all feel the same. I am heartened to see you have written ‘ I have to be realistic though. I have to accept that I can't save every dog I see wandering the streets from injury, disease or hunger.’ We would all like to be able to do more, but we all have to be realistic and accept we can only do what we can, with the limited amount of funds available. Linda, whenever I feel down, I always remember The Starfish story, because it really fits with how I feel about Turkish dogs:
    A man was walking along a deserted beach at sunset. As he walked he could see a young boy in the distance, as he drew nearer he noticed that the boy kept bending down, picking something up and throwing it into the water. Time and again he kept hurling things into the ocean. As the man approached even closer, he was able to see that the boy was picking up starfish that had been washed up on the beach and, one at a time he was throwing them back into the water. The man asked the boy what he was doing, the boy replied," I am throwing these washed up starfish back into the ocean, or else they will die. "But", said the man, "You can't possibly save them all, there are thousands on this beach, and this must be happening on hundreds of beaches along the coast. You can't possibly make a difference." The boy smiled, bent down and picked up another starfish, and as he threw it back into the sea, he replied "Made a difference to that one".
    Val Whyte xx

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    1. Welcome to my blog Val. Yes I have heard the starfish story and it certainly does ring true doesn't. I need to remind myself a bit more often. Thankyou xxx

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  3. I know how difficult it is to harden your heart, but you are doing as much as one person can.

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  4. Please don't feel guilty. You can't do more than you are doing and if you don't look after yourself with the occasional treat you won't be able to look after the dogs.

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    1. I know you're right Perpetua. It's difficult to change one's mentality...but I know I should try!

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    2. Loved Val's storey, Linda, and it is very true. Love Gwen

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If you would like to help my rescue dogs and the strays (dogs and cats) of our village and local industrial estate, please email me for details at lindaikaya@hotmail.com Thankyou x