Sunday, 3 May 2015

Mixed feelings

I have two more days here in England before I return home.  Every time I visit, at this stage of the trip, I have conflicting emotions.   It's a horrible feeling.  It's like I want to split myself in two and leave half of me here and send the other half home to Turkey.

I didn't see my daughter and the boys yesterday.  I always feel at this point that I need to detach myself a bit...to get used to the idea of not being here every day.    As each day passes the boys are getting used to me being around.  I have taken Jimi to nursery school and he chats to me on the way there.  I love his little voice.  I'm in tears now thinking about how I will miss this.

Billy is such a clever boy.  He is already having French lessons and is showing an interest in languages.  He wants to learn Turkish and I have promised to send him some books when I return home.  In the meantime I bought him the only book I could find in W.H Smıths...a Lonely Planet guide and phrase book, which means he will no doubt know more Turkish than me by the time I visit again.

The other half of me misses my husband and my dogs.  I know Mr A is struggling trying to juggle work with getting home to look after the dogs, and will be relieved when I return early Tuesday morning.

I will be back in  England again in September for my niece's wedding, so it's not so long to wait.  I will of course experience these mixed feelings every time I visit.  

If only I could have all those I love in the same place.  Wouldn't that be wonderful?

8 comments:

  1. It must be difficult having your daughter and grandchildren so far away. I hope they manage to travel out to you one day.

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  2. I know exactly what you mean, Ayak. Even though we live in the same country most of the time, our two children and their families live too far away from us for quick visits and we have never seen our grandsons often. When we or they do visit for longer than a weekend, I always feel this pang at the thought of departure and not seeing them again for a good while.

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    1. Yes Perpetua. It's horrible. It seems to be a sign of the times doesn't it? So many families living great distances from each other.

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  3. I know what you mean.....(((HUGS))). I know this is temporary but my daughter is returning to Brighton next week for exams and I'm already in a state. The month she's been here just flew by, even though she will be back in 3 weeks again for the summer.....also I have the same dilema about Turkey also....I really want to stay there for 6 months of the year but won't cause....my daughter has to live here and I don't want to leave her alone and then don't want to leave my husband and have him living there in Turkey himself....UGH! and me here. Hopefully you will get to go home sooner then you think...can your Grandkids stay with you for a while in the summer.? Take care XXXOOO

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    1. I know how you feel about your daughter Erica. So far away. It is difficult. The boys are still a little young to stay with me and my daughter can't take time off so it will have to wait. I'm hoping maybe next year it can be arranged.

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  4. It's difficult to *split yourself* in half like that and it's a feeling our family knows only too well. However, it takes only a short time to settle in again. As you say, it's not that long till you come again.

    Maggie x

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    1. Yes I know you understand the feeling Maggie. Here I am at Heathrow airport replying to your comment, having spent my last day with the boys and my daughter and trying to work out a way that they can visit next year. Roll on September...not long.

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