I have two more days here in England before I return home. Every time I visit, at this stage of the trip, I have conflicting emotions. It's a horrible feeling. It's like I want to split myself in two and leave half of me here and send the other half home to Turkey.
I didn't see my daughter and the boys yesterday. I always feel at this point that I need to detach myself a bit...to get used to the idea of not being here every day. As each day passes the boys are getting used to me being around. I have taken Jimi to nursery school and he chats to me on the way there. I love his little voice. I'm in tears now thinking about how I will miss this.
Billy is such a clever boy. He is already having French lessons and is showing an interest in languages. He wants to learn Turkish and I have promised to send him some books when I return home. In the meantime I bought him the only book I could find in W.H Smıths...a Lonely Planet guide and phrase book, which means he will no doubt know more Turkish than me by the time I visit again.
The other half of me misses my husband and my dogs. I know Mr A is struggling trying to juggle work with getting home to look after the dogs, and will be relieved when I return early Tuesday morning.
I will be back in England again in September for my niece's wedding, so it's not so long to wait. I will of course experience these mixed feelings every time I visit.
If only I could have all those I love in the same place. Wouldn't that be wonderful?