Thursday, 5 January 2017
Today, after yet another senseless attack, there is an overwhelming feeling of sadness. There is also fear, because no-one knows where or when something else will happen.
I have been saying for so long that it's still safe to come here, but after today I don't feel I can keep repeating these words. I personally don't feel fear. At my age, fear seems to take a back seat. Every day is a bonus, and I believe in fate. When my time is up so be it. I've had a decent innings and I'm grateful.
I feel a sense of strange anticipation (if that's the right word) more than fear, because no-one knows what will happen next. I also feel sad that I won't be able to encourage my daughter and grandsons to come here to visit. Why would I even contemplate putting them at risk?
I'm not religious. If I were I would be saying "pray for Turkey". Prayers don't help. They don't stop people dying. But if prayers give some people comfort, then fine go ahead and pray.
This is a big country. In most places life will go on as normal, as it will for me. I'll still be feeding dogs and cats and not venturing much further than the nearest town for shopping. I'll still be asking my neighbour Sevke to stop letting her chickens into my garden, or Dursune to stop allowing her baby donkey to run riot up and down the road, making my dogs bark!
It's a simple life, with very little excitement, which suits me. What is going on in the rest of the country though fills my mind with incredible sadness.
I just want it to stop. I'd like to feel optimistic again, and see this country return to some semblance of normality.
Rest in Peace all those who have died and great sympathy to those they have left behind.